Of course as a houseman i'v always told myself i need to do my best,dont let anyone die,but somehow yesterday the feeling was different in the sense that even though i knew he had no chance of survival i desperately wanted him to,Was telling myself "NO GOD he must not die" and it's not about getting dragged into mortality review,it's just that inner feeling.
Cut the story short young guy,mid 20's,very severe meliodosis,with ARDS(for those who have no clue wht are these,kindly google it up)his lung were in a bad shape and of course not recovering,not to mention the systemic response to it,other major organs failing.
When it was time to tell the family,sigh as usual the hardest part,i'm one person who hates confrontation,and asking me to explain to the family,seriously i dont know how i do it in a serious face,when all i want is to cry with them.I'm not emotional in the sense that when it's time to let go it's time,heck i even think euthanasia is alright,but of course this is my blog and my thoughts.So i told them as usual,bla bla
"Kita tidak akan tekan tekan (No CPR) " , "Bagi ubat sahaja"
The mum and dad were so calm,said whatever is best,but shit at the corner of her eye i saw the tears"
So this was a new feeling that tugged in my heart,even brought some tears,i guess then i realise why it's so important to do your very best,but sometimes i guess no matter what or how much you do,god loves them more,and it just goes to show we're mere mortals,and we can only do so much,so better to let nature take it's course,and let go...........
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