Reflection

Wow it's almost august,cant believe the year passed by in a flash.So much happened in a year.Have i started to grow,hmmm height and length wise probably not.

But somehow things are different,priorities have changed,realising what's important ,learning to look at things differently,achieved closure,even learning to open up my heart to feelings i thought were lost:).So touched that so many of my friends were always around,and given so much of support,i couldnt have done it without them,they came in many forms but always around.Not forgetting my annoying little sister

Need to start studying again,for the 2nd attempt of exams.Slowly getting the hang of anesthesia,but still quite lost,i still face each intubation with fear,but they say what doesnt kill you will make you stronger,i'm really hoping as well.

I dont see a reason to shout at the more junior doctors or the staff,people say i'm not being loud enough,but that just isnt how i am,think being firm will do.We're creating unnessary tension for everyone working and that just doesnt help.I guess different people have different style.I' just stick to mine for now,no thank you.

I'm looking forward to september,october and november,August i'm just gonna skip for now,think i'm gonna be a little sad,but recently found out life's so unpredictable,anything can happen,looking at the positive side.We'll just wait and see now shall we:)

On-call .......

I need to remember this moment because it's a day i have been dreading and thought impossible for me to do a month ago,but guess what it's over,there'l be more calls,more to learn,just need to calm down,breathe,not panic,and let the adrenaline take over.

So my first ICU call started with a bang,not sure why they all collapse one after another,but i still think it could have been worse.But then again current aim is to have less mortalities,and just survive till the next day.

Romance is lost??

In the fantasy world i dream off romance is never lost,and people should grow old together.Although i think i'm living to ideally or i sometimes think i'm to practical,i love seeing people in love,hearing their stories of them being swept off their feet and getting old together.I'm proud to admit i'm a hopeless romantic,give me a feel good romance novel or even a romantic comedy anyday,it's enough to make me happy.I dont ever want to turn out to be a cold,heartless and passionless person.

People shouldn wait for valentines or that special occasion to show how they feel.Love is not about buying expensive gifts,it's about being there throughout whether your suffering from cancer,you got ur promotion,u had to go for an operation,you fell down,ur sitting for an important exam,you just lost a loved one,or your just not feeling right.It's the thought that counts.People are slowly evolving to take care only of themselves,but i guess it's also a defence mechanism.But there's always two ways to look at things:)

Sabong Ayam @ Cock fighting

DISCLAIMER - THIS POST IS NOT MEANT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART,VEGETARIAN'S,ANIMAL ACTIVIST,ANIMAL-SPECIFICALLY CHICKEN/COCK LOVER'S,BE PRE-WARNED,I SHALL NOT HOLD RESPONSIBILITY TO HOW YOU FEEL

Had a great oppurtunity to actually go see one close-up,watched one some time back but from a distance.

Must say it's truly an amazing experience(personally not recommended to animal activist,vegetarians,faint of heart,those who are holier than thou:),of course when the local people see us they all think who let this crazy city people here,cause they assume we'll let it on to the authorities or that we're from the press,of course it didnt help that my friend had a huge ass DSLR:)He asked permission from the the chief about taking pictures of only the chicken.

He made a loud announcement "Tu doctor-doctor mau ambil gambar manuk aje,nadai ambil gambar orang,anang kacau mereka "
(Translation - these doctors are only taking pics of the chicken not the people,they're not going to cause any harm)
So for a while instead of the chickens we were centre of attraction:)

Now to describe the atmosphere,there's a huge ring in the centre,a makeshift tent cause they dont always have it at one place,the chief who handles the scores and biddings.They fight the chickens based on weight,people make their bets once the chicken are brought into the ring.

And in the background,you have people selling food(yummy chicken wings,haha the irony)the are lots of chicken sheds,you see the breeders feeding the chickens,giving last minute pep talk
"Eh better kick the ass of that chicken ok,i've invested a lot on you,otherwise you'l become chicken curry tonight" :P (Haha probably didnt sound like that)

The fight does not last very long actually,each cock has a blade attached,so the best one wins or sometimes both actually die(I know people will say it's inhumane and all,but it's how you see it i guess,at least i put up a disclaimer).Well for those who think it's cruel,do you actually see how your KFC chicken is KILLED???

So the crowd start's their own betting just before the fight starts,not exactly sure how much but i think from RM5-the thousands.People were very friendly,not rude,and really welcomed us,although u can see one or two suspicious glances just to make sure.

Anyway think u have to be there to experience it.Will post a few pics which my friend took,they're really good(the picture credit goes to him,did tell him to watermark it:p

Actually this game is played all over the world,some countries it's actually legalised,i don't think people mean harm,for the local's it's actually a simple game which probably now of course has turned into some kind of business/greed.But they seem to be enjoying themselves,who are we to judge or rob them of what they like doing

Mystery illness ??

One by one they're dying,not even sure why anymore,the disease process has taken a dramatic turn.Are we dealing with a mutant strain,are we missing something important.This seems to be the unanswered questions lately.Hmmm the cases are starting to sound like what we read in some of the robin cook novels.They're deteriorating too fast,someone pointed out it's a failure of management,is it really??

The dreaded mosquitoe is the cause of all this.I wonder if people are aware of the bigger picture,all the meetings and the hoo haa about the deaths,do they realise it's all political,a downplay of urbanisation,failure of development.It's getting worse,but of course it's not being openly publicised,it cant be,because people will start questioning.But why shouldnt they,they have every right too.I understand it is everyone's responsibility,but the whole blame shouldnt be on the healthcare givers.since the disease is so rampant why are we not doing more research,and so on.We're paying millions of tax payers money to send people to space yet we fail in vector control,sigh such a shame.

It's so sad to see them die from such an illness,we're not even talking about HIV or H1n1,this seems to be a lot worse.In the meantime,of course the healthcare workers have to scratch their head and manage the best to avoid any more mortality before the HIGHER levels gets to them,but how do they do that, when they're not even sure what we're dealing with.The HIGHER levels need to realise statistic are just numbers,we're dealing with lives here.Prioritise,act fast,before more lives are lost

Reminiscing.........

Been a relatively busy couple of days,tagging daily till late.Didn't feel like blogging about work or complaining coz it will never end,i still consider myself lucky enough to learn as much.

Something really unexpected happened today,went up to the orthopedic ward to do my pre-op rounds and i saw a familiar face,it was the guy i escorted to GHKL few months back
http://lostsarawakdoc.blogspot.com/2010/01/escorting-patient-to-klgh.html
He was so well,he said he'd even be able to partial weight bare in a few months,i couldn stop smilling,as i mentioned before he's exactly a year younger,we share the same birthday,but our fate is so different.He stayed in KL for 3months

He said when he was there his dad passed on due to a road traffic accident,i was so sad when i heard,but he said it's alright,it's all in GOD's hands.He actually thanked me,for what i'm not even sure,i didnt even do anything,but it's so nice to see him,so full of hope,smilling away,just like how when we meet an old friend,said even his girlfriend left him,but he was wasn't sad,said it's her right,cant force her to stay with a cripple.Told him if someone really loves you they will not judge you and would not leave you in bad times,sigh

It's things like this that happen to remind me that life's how you see it,positive or negative it's all up to you,even those who have less can still be so happy,so who are we to complain.....

How i see it............

Time heals , things change ,

You know u've grown , when you can wish people happiness although they may have hurt you along the way and advice them not to hurt others in return :)

Life's never easy,it's all about learning and growing,today may not be ur day,but one day it will,

Life's not all about being happy or constantly sad , we need a mixture of both and some surprises along the way to jolt you/keep ur spirits up,

Not all married people are happy,just cause you don't see it , doesnt mean it's all full of glee,

It's important to get married for the right reasons,and not just for the sake of it,

Work in each profession is tough , just because we're in a demanding one or we work real hard , doesnt mean other's don't work as hard or as much , we should stop and reflect,

When people demand things from you there's no point getting angry,either way u'v got to get it done,how well we do it,now tht's secondary,

If u'v tried ur very best and you stilll can't do it,there's no point blaming urself,the most important thing is you tried and gave it your best.

Things of the past especially from childhood will always be around no matter how much you try to hide it,so we've just go to learn,and try to work aound it,whether it works or not,you really cant tell for now,

At the end winning secret battles with yourself is the most rewarding,otherwise,you can do what everyone thinks is so bad,to sit and cry,it may sound dumb,but at least u release ur frustrations even if it's for a short time:)