Merdeka Merdeka Merdeka !!!!!

Truly it's a whole different merdeka , last year this day it's was filled with uncertainies,a little saddness,happy times.As our country celebrates it's independence this year guess i should be proud to celebrate mine in my own way as well,honesty goes such a long way,even knowing what u want.How much independence is so important to each individual i can't begin to explain,but it really counts.Of course a little pampering,some amount of caring is important but definately not 24/7,we need to realise what's important and and learn to strive for it.Taking things one day at a time is important,for we never know what the future holds may it be good or bad,we can only have a little hope,faith and be prepared to work really hard for that.

So cheers to our country and it's independence,and to our's as well,will always be malaysian,regardless of my race,colour or religion,may other's start believing in that as well.For now will dream about my pink roses,enjoy the solitude and pray for a better tomorrow and for all the people who are dear to me:)



Happy independence Malaysia....

Hallmark :)

THIS IS DEDICATED TO DADDY , HE PASSED FIRST YEAR LAW AT 59

Distance 184km......

Realize i'm always inspired to write more when i'm feeling down,this habit started since secondary school.Those days it was'Dear diary i'm so pissed of with life,why is it so unfair,and of course the other things which shall not be mentioned'haha,looking back now of course it was good to laugh at those entries,maybe when i'm 40 and i read my blog i'l be doing the same,'What was i thinking pouring my heart out',such stupid rantings

It still surprises me how people can come into our lives and walk away not realising they changed it.How are some people so emotionally strong,it's either they're really good at acting or they really are,i'm learning to block emotions,but it's so difficult to achieve/do,i gain genuine happiness seeing the people around me happy,

Is it true it's better not to care about people,is it so easily done,when i love/care/give gifts i do it without expecting anything back,i've always believed if u do something with an open heart there would be nothing to expect,my friends think i'm weird but i dont expect people to care about me,tht's just how i am,doesnt matter at work or elsewhere.So when someone does something/gives me something/shows they care,they automatically win me over for a lifetime.

Human's must be allowed to make their own choices,we shouldn be forced into doing something we dont want to,because A)We'll hate it B)We wont do it well C)Won't be happy.It's so easy to say you must do the right thing,but regardless diferrent people are different,how would you know if what's right for you is right for me.

This last sentence is not going to make sense,but i know what it means,'Defence mechanism went down the drain':(

Culture , Tradition and Life

I'm a firm believer we should never be bound to culture and tradition,we should follow it just so it doesnt die,but why should we not question when we have the right to.We know everything in life changes so why cant our culture and traditions change as well,just because our parents,grandparents or friends say so,that doesnt make it right.I'm not saying everything is wrong,there is no right or wrong thought,it's how we perceive it.

Think it's more important to have our own sets of principles,priorities and stick to it.I know i was born an indian,but i have never had that many indian friends,i'v always believed we should never racialise or judge people based on their race,more on how they speak,thet act/behave,or if they actually think before speaking.I get quite annoyed when people from my own race tell me how i should and should not behave,how to speak,why i have not gotten married,haha the age old thing,it's funny at first but after some time it can get quite annoying.



Sadly i know there is no changing them,and of course it isnt their fault as well,that's how they think but that doesnt mean it's right or i need to follow or accept,i have a mind of my own,i too know right from wrong,my sets of priorities and principles.It may not always be right,but it's also ok to make mistakes in life,that's when we actually learn.When i go to sleep it's my concience that i'm answerable too.

I wish i people would look beyond this race,culture and treat each other like humans.If one day i have kids,even if i adopt,i cant wait to teach them to love/like everyone without judging them by means of religion/race.I can imagine so many people disagreeing with me,but even if 1 out of 1000000 people get this message across or inspires them,it would make a difference,at least we're getting somewhere,anywhere

The guy who should but couldn't survive..........

Into my fourth ICU call,slowly gainning a little confidence,so much more to learn.Secretly even though paediatrics is my passion,i dont think i'l ever regret coming here and getting trained.

Of course as a houseman i'v always told myself i need to do my best,dont let anyone die,but somehow yesterday the feeling was different in the sense that even though i knew he had no chance of survival i desperately wanted him to,Was telling myself "NO GOD he must not die" and it's not about getting dragged into mortality review,it's just that inner feeling.

Cut the story short young guy,mid 20's,very severe meliodosis,with ARDS(for those who have no clue wht are these,kindly google it up)his lung were in a bad shape and of course not recovering,not to mention the systemic response to it,other major organs failing.

When it was time to tell the family,sigh as usual the hardest part,i'm one person who hates confrontation,and asking me to explain to the family,seriously i dont know how i do it in a serious face,when all i want is to cry with them.I'm not emotional in the sense that when it's time to let go it's time,heck i even think euthanasia is alright,but of course this is my blog and my thoughts.So i told them as usual,bla bla
"Kita tidak akan tekan tekan (No CPR) " , "Bagi ubat sahaja"
The mum and dad were so calm,said whatever is best,but shit at the corner of her eye i saw the tears"

So this was a new feeling that tugged in my heart,even brought some tears,i guess then i realise why it's so important to do your very best,but sometimes i guess no matter what or how much you do,god loves them more,and it just goes to show we're mere mortals,and we can only do so much,so better to let nature take it's course,and let go...........