Not sure why the past still creeps in at the worst times.As i was coming via the 3hour bout ride,i was actually so elated,the view,i'm not sure how to describe was so stunning,you need to experience it for yourself to feel it.Met this guy who tells me he's been coming every month for the past 14years to fix the cable towers.As usual being the negatively morbid person i am i think,what happens if the boat sinks,along the way you see the driver avoiding this huge logs,have i told enough goodbye's,have i lived a happy life,have i told the important people in my life that i love them.
On the way to Kapit
Sometimes,actually most times i wished i wasnt born a girl(i'm not being gender bias
and please feminist out there don't come after me,it's my blog and i'm entitled to my own opinions),i hate it when i get so emotional,i tell myself i can do this,i'm strong enough,who gives a shit what people say,sadly it's all a big lie that I admit I tell to placade myself.In truth i actually find happiness seeing other people happy,but i think sometimes i secretly crave for that happiness,i'm just truly blessed to have great friends which i have somehow found along the way,life is a better place with them.
Not sure where i'm heading writting all this,wish i would stop doing random things,but i cant,i'v recently found out my favourite adjective is i don't know,there's only few things in life that i know for sure what i want,the rest i still don't,i hate myself for that as well....There are so many things i wish i could have done differently in life,but i dont think it would have made a difference,just need to psych myself to do what i think is right and do my best,so if i have anyone to blame it would be myself no matter the consequence,and see what life has in store for me.The important quest is finding what keeps u happy,no matter short or long term,lets see what happens after tomorrow,if i survive.
Was actually suppose to blog about Kapit,i guess that's for another day.....
"Grins widely" fake smile....
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