Been a relatively busy couple of days,tagging daily till late.Didn't feel like blogging about work or complaining coz it will never end,i still consider myself lucky enough to learn as much.
Something really unexpected happened today,went up to the orthopedic ward to do my pre-op rounds and i saw a familiar face,it was the guy i escorted to GHKL few months back
http://lostsarawakdoc.blogspot.com/2010/01/escorting-patient-to-klgh.html
He was so well,he said he'd even be able to partial weight bare in a few months,i couldn stop smilling,as i mentioned before he's exactly a year younger,we share the same birthday,but our fate is so different.He stayed in KL for 3months
He said when he was there his dad passed on due to a road traffic accident,i was so sad when i heard,but he said it's alright,it's all in GOD's hands.He actually thanked me,for what i'm not even sure,i didnt even do anything,but it's so nice to see him,so full of hope,smilling away,just like how when we meet an old friend,said even his girlfriend left him,but he was wasn't sad,said it's her right,cant force her to stay with a cripple.Told him if someone really loves you they will not judge you and would not leave you in bad times,sigh
It's things like this that happen to remind me that life's how you see it,positive or negative it's all up to you,even those who have less can still be so happy,so who are we to complain.....
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
How i see it............
Time heals , things change ,
You know u've grown , when you can wish people happiness although they may have hurt you along the way and advice them not to hurt others in return :)
Life's never easy,it's all about learning and growing,today may not be ur day,but one day it will,
Life's not all about being happy or constantly sad , we need a mixture of both and some surprises along the way to jolt you/keep ur spirits up,
Not all married people are happy,just cause you don't see it , doesnt mean it's all full of glee,
It's important to get married for the right reasons,and not just for the sake of it,
Work in each profession is tough , just because we're in a demanding one or we work real hard , doesnt mean other's don't work as hard or as much , we should stop and reflect,
When people demand things from you there's no point getting angry,either way u'v got to get it done,how well we do it,now tht's secondary,
If u'v tried ur very best and you stilll can't do it,there's no point blaming urself,the most important thing is you tried and gave it your best.
Things of the past especially from childhood will always be around no matter how much you try to hide it,so we've just go to learn,and try to work aound it,whether it works or not,you really cant tell for now,
At the end winning secret battles with yourself is the most rewarding,otherwise,you can do what everyone thinks is so bad,to sit and cry,it may sound dumb,but at least u release ur frustrations even if it's for a short time:)
You know u've grown , when you can wish people happiness although they may have hurt you along the way and advice them not to hurt others in return :)
Life's never easy,it's all about learning and growing,today may not be ur day,but one day it will,
Life's not all about being happy or constantly sad , we need a mixture of both and some surprises along the way to jolt you/keep ur spirits up,
Not all married people are happy,just cause you don't see it , doesnt mean it's all full of glee,
It's important to get married for the right reasons,and not just for the sake of it,
Work in each profession is tough , just because we're in a demanding one or we work real hard , doesnt mean other's don't work as hard or as much , we should stop and reflect,
When people demand things from you there's no point getting angry,either way u'v got to get it done,how well we do it,now tht's secondary,
If u'v tried ur very best and you stilll can't do it,there's no point blaming urself,the most important thing is you tried and gave it your best.
Things of the past especially from childhood will always be around no matter how much you try to hide it,so we've just go to learn,and try to work aound it,whether it works or not,you really cant tell for now,
At the end winning secret battles with yourself is the most rewarding,otherwise,you can do what everyone thinks is so bad,to sit and cry,it may sound dumb,but at least u release ur frustrations even if it's for a short time:)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Happy Father's Day......
If it were'nt for you , i would not have been here ,
You've always been there for me when i'v really needed you most ,
I don't know who to tell thank you too for the sacrifice you have given me and my sister , Not many know and understand , but boy do we owe you,
For without you we would not have made it this far,
I still don't know how you did it with the amount of obstacles you've had to face,
Never once complained either,
I always want to be as strong as you and follow your every footsteps,but i find myself lacking in many ways,
You taught us to live a humble life,and be the best in what we are,
You've always been the best role model we'l ever have,if you can study at 60,so can we,
Although we're all grown up,we dont get to meet much,we'l always be daddy's little girl,and we'l always love you so.
Happy Father's Day Daddy.....
You've always been there for me when i'v really needed you most ,
I don't know who to tell thank you too for the sacrifice you have given me and my sister , Not many know and understand , but boy do we owe you,
For without you we would not have made it this far,
I still don't know how you did it with the amount of obstacles you've had to face,
Never once complained either,
I always want to be as strong as you and follow your every footsteps,but i find myself lacking in many ways,
You taught us to live a humble life,and be the best in what we are,
You've always been the best role model we'l ever have,if you can study at 60,so can we,
Although we're all grown up,we dont get to meet much,we'l always be daddy's little girl,and we'l always love you so.
Happy Father's Day Daddy.....
Saturday, June 19, 2010
The Double Medevac Experience
To those who arent sure medevac stands for medical evacuation,it's one of the fastest mode of transport to those in Sarawak especially from the interior.When i was in Kapit i actually had the oppurtunity to escort 2 patients from Kapit to Sibu then back to Kapit and to sibu in one day,it's crazy,but they were really short of mo's,what a day,but the view from above was just heavenly,thank god i have always been blessed not to have motion sickness,my poor nurse wasnt so lucky tho,ambubagging the patient in air is not easy either
It takes 40mins each way.And the worst part we do not have any medical insurance,so u can imagine what we think or feel when the copter is swaying,the worst case scenarios do cross your mind,so we stupidly take our risk,but it's one of the best experiences i must say the docotor's working in sarawak have.I may be weird,but i would rather die than not have experienced it:P
It takes 40mins each way.And the worst part we do not have any medical insurance,so u can imagine what we think or feel when the copter is swaying,the worst case scenarios do cross your mind,so we stupidly take our risk,but it's one of the best experiences i must say the docotor's working in sarawak have.I may be weird,but i would rather die than not have experienced it:P
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
An Experience i'm unlikely to forget......
Sunday - Kapit Hospital (Relieving D5)
Finished rounds in paeds ward,All ill kids,mainly pneumonia's and AGE,all post gawai syndrome.Almost around 30patients(which i think is quite a lot for a district hosp,hats of to the doctors here),discharged quite a bit.Started my call around 1,like how my collegues described before it was a circus,polyclinic are not open so they flock the ER(funny how it actually stands for Emergency Room).
Admitted quite a number to medical and paeds.Got called by the labour room to review,sigh in my head i'm thinking,noooooooooo,give me anything but a c-sec(so negative but wht to do there r only 3 of us here who r not experienced in c-sec).This indon lady,difficulty pushing,os full for 1/2an hour,well called the specialist in Sibu,
She asked me "Have you done 2nd stage c-sec before"
Me - "Gulp....,ermmm no only normal elective one's 1and 1/2 yrs ago"
She - "The baby HAS TO deliver vaginally ok , if really cant then call i'l teach u,but try"
Sigh of course we tried,and thank god she delivered,but baby wasnt so good,nearly intubated but thank god improved.A few hours later still lots of cases waiting in ER,admitted more.
Around 1am when for rounds(paranoid me)just to make sure the admitted cases were alright.Tried to sleep around 2,was called to ER at 3 ,finished around 4 ,slept again,in between got many calls,but somehow couldnt sleep.Eventually woke up and went for rounds,literally didnt sleep the whole night,almost like during housemanship i guess
Monday - Kapit Hospital (Relieving Day D6)
Started my rounds in the paeds ward downstairs and the overflowed upstairs,eagerly waiting for the new permanent MO's.Eventually finished rounds around 11.3o,since no mo's yet went to medical as well to cover and start rounds.As soon as i started with one patient,got a call from my MA
"Boss ada baby sini,SPO2 under high flow only 80something,lungs banyak ronchi"
I said continue neb i'l come and c
Child was about 11months,breathing so fast,lungs in betweeb the neb was silent,which was a really bad sign,although he was still crying a little,i was freaking,cause i knew there's only two doctors in the whole hospital that day.
Anyway after the nebs,called the paediatrician in Sibu,of course he gave me a hard time,i told him,there's only 2of us,i cant even think properly coz i'm post call,thank god for the adrenaline drive,was so afraid(in my mind the only thing playing was this child must survive)if it wasnt for the help of the nurses and MA's we couldnt have done it.After a long time intubated,and started the kid on bicanyl infusion(something stronger and rarely used for the wheeze).By the time i finished was around 4 and i hadnt even started rounds in the medical ward and no lunch,so exhausted.
Did quick rounds,but even then finished at7pm,was to hungry,so ate,bathe then got back.Still had to do my discharges from morning thank god my other collegue helped me,the other mo was back so he was on call.Finally finished everything at 10pm.
An absolutely crazy 48hours,it's ridiculous for just 2 mo's,not fair even,but even in the past the mo's here have been suffering as well.It's really not fair to the people but of course we all think of ourselves first,it's so inaccesible,after 3 there no way out if there's an emergency.For docotor's getting leave is an absolute no no,sigh,this town definately needs more,this whole state actually.Why cant they give more allowances and benefits to those who come,it's not such a bad place just the logistics.Prices of things are expensive as well.Think they've been trying for sometime to change but to no avail,hoping with the number of doctors coming there will be a change,of course this is just us hoping
Finished rounds in paeds ward,All ill kids,mainly pneumonia's and AGE,all post gawai syndrome.Almost around 30patients(which i think is quite a lot for a district hosp,hats of to the doctors here),discharged quite a bit.Started my call around 1,like how my collegues described before it was a circus,polyclinic are not open so they flock the ER(funny how it actually stands for Emergency Room).
Admitted quite a number to medical and paeds.Got called by the labour room to review,sigh in my head i'm thinking,noooooooooo,give me anything but a c-sec(so negative but wht to do there r only 3 of us here who r not experienced in c-sec).This indon lady,difficulty pushing,os full for 1/2an hour,well called the specialist in Sibu,
She asked me "Have you done 2nd stage c-sec before"
Me - "Gulp....,ermmm no only normal elective one's 1and 1/2 yrs ago"
She - "The baby HAS TO deliver vaginally ok , if really cant then call i'l teach u,but try"
Sigh of course we tried,and thank god she delivered,but baby wasnt so good,nearly intubated but thank god improved.A few hours later still lots of cases waiting in ER,admitted more.
Around 1am when for rounds(paranoid me)just to make sure the admitted cases were alright.Tried to sleep around 2,was called to ER at 3 ,finished around 4 ,slept again,in between got many calls,but somehow couldnt sleep.Eventually woke up and went for rounds,literally didnt sleep the whole night,almost like during housemanship i guess
Monday - Kapit Hospital (Relieving Day D6)
Started my rounds in the paeds ward downstairs and the overflowed upstairs,eagerly waiting for the new permanent MO's.Eventually finished rounds around 11.3o,since no mo's yet went to medical as well to cover and start rounds.As soon as i started with one patient,got a call from my MA
"Boss ada baby sini,SPO2 under high flow only 80something,lungs banyak ronchi"
I said continue neb i'l come and c
Child was about 11months,breathing so fast,lungs in betweeb the neb was silent,which was a really bad sign,although he was still crying a little,i was freaking,cause i knew there's only two doctors in the whole hospital that day.
Anyway after the nebs,called the paediatrician in Sibu,of course he gave me a hard time,i told him,there's only 2of us,i cant even think properly coz i'm post call,thank god for the adrenaline drive,was so afraid(in my mind the only thing playing was this child must survive)if it wasnt for the help of the nurses and MA's we couldnt have done it.After a long time intubated,and started the kid on bicanyl infusion(something stronger and rarely used for the wheeze).By the time i finished was around 4 and i hadnt even started rounds in the medical ward and no lunch,so exhausted.
Did quick rounds,but even then finished at7pm,was to hungry,so ate,bathe then got back.Still had to do my discharges from morning thank god my other collegue helped me,the other mo was back so he was on call.Finally finished everything at 10pm.
An absolutely crazy 48hours,it's ridiculous for just 2 mo's,not fair even,but even in the past the mo's here have been suffering as well.It's really not fair to the people but of course we all think of ourselves first,it's so inaccesible,after 3 there no way out if there's an emergency.For docotor's getting leave is an absolute no no,sigh,this town definately needs more,this whole state actually.Why cant they give more allowances and benefits to those who come,it's not such a bad place just the logistics.Prices of things are expensive as well.Think they've been trying for sometime to change but to no avail,hoping with the number of doctors coming there will be a change,of course this is just us hoping
Time to rant............
Some people are lucky , or are they realy
Some are happy,some are sad
Do people really have to suffer alone?
Are some things really so easily forgotten?
Why can we never be happy with what we have?
So what if we rebel , we only live once , and life's too short
When we get happiness why is it always short lived?
There are people sufferring all around, why when we see it we're still selfish and we choose to ignore?
Why cant the past just leave you alone?
I probably know the answers to most of it,but it actually feels better when it's written,we're only human..........
Some are happy,some are sad
Do people really have to suffer alone?
Are some things really so easily forgotten?
Why can we never be happy with what we have?
So what if we rebel , we only live once , and life's too short
When we get happiness why is it always short lived?
There are people sufferring all around, why when we see it we're still selfish and we choose to ignore?
Why cant the past just leave you alone?
I probably know the answers to most of it,but it actually feels better when it's written,we're only human..........
Saturday, June 12, 2010
The first couple of days......
I better start writting before i forget.Kapit is a really beautiful place,surrounded by hills,the mighty rejang just nearby,i guess if you like nature then it's actually a great place to visit
Stayed at this inn called greenland inn,nice cosy place,definately much better than i expected.Service was really good,first day arriving i definately felt like a tourist.
Started work on the 2nd day,pengarah told me to go and cover the surgical ward,quite lucky cause i still had a specialist,but there were still a lot of unsettled work.Chemo to do.Getting used to the work.
Next day i was on-call,wow being on-call in the district is scary,the place is cut off from the major town after 3,no boats can go,no helicopter's.So if anything happens or you hv to do it's all in your hands,sigh.Post gawai so all this ill kids came with chest infections and diarrhoea,sigh,admitted most of them,one kid did not look to good,took extra care overnight then sent him off to sibu the next day.Worked as usual the next day,referred lots of cases,so happy that i had friends/specialist everywhere who helped me with whom and where to refer,otherwise it would hv been an even longer process.
Today is saturday,went in late,had a good breakfast in town,covered the paeds ward,so many ill patients with high fever,so almost all had to be kept.Later helped cover the ER till bout 3,had lunch,then got back.Sigh on-call again tomorrow,and it's a sunday.
Being in district is akin to being a houseman with a heavier set of responsibilities/burden on your shoulder's,of course overall you become better,but not sure after how long the fatigue,frustration,working hours will get to you.We are after all human's who crave some love,care,attention.If they're posted to districts they need people around who would help/just be there fro some moral support,how many people can be as patient/strong.They say patience is a virtue,not sure how mother theresa does it,but we can't all be her now can we.They say you must make the best of what you have,you cannot play GOD,but arent we all doing that at some point of our time,it would be a lie to ourselves if we arent.
Can just pray and hope for the best,if things are meant to happen they will,true freinds will stay and the rest who don't,i guess we know then.....
Stayed at this inn called greenland inn,nice cosy place,definately much better than i expected.Service was really good,first day arriving i definately felt like a tourist.
Started work on the 2nd day,pengarah told me to go and cover the surgical ward,quite lucky cause i still had a specialist,but there were still a lot of unsettled work.Chemo to do.Getting used to the work.
Next day i was on-call,wow being on-call in the district is scary,the place is cut off from the major town after 3,no boats can go,no helicopter's.So if anything happens or you hv to do it's all in your hands,sigh.Post gawai so all this ill kids came with chest infections and diarrhoea,sigh,admitted most of them,one kid did not look to good,took extra care overnight then sent him off to sibu the next day.Worked as usual the next day,referred lots of cases,so happy that i had friends/specialist everywhere who helped me with whom and where to refer,otherwise it would hv been an even longer process.
Today is saturday,went in late,had a good breakfast in town,covered the paeds ward,so many ill patients with high fever,so almost all had to be kept.Later helped cover the ER till bout 3,had lunch,then got back.Sigh on-call again tomorrow,and it's a sunday.
Being in district is akin to being a houseman with a heavier set of responsibilities/burden on your shoulder's,of course overall you become better,but not sure after how long the fatigue,frustration,working hours will get to you.We are after all human's who crave some love,care,attention.If they're posted to districts they need people around who would help/just be there fro some moral support,how many people can be as patient/strong.They say patience is a virtue,not sure how mother theresa does it,but we can't all be her now can we.They say you must make the best of what you have,you cannot play GOD,but arent we all doing that at some point of our time,it would be a lie to ourselves if we arent.
Can just pray and hope for the best,if things are meant to happen they will,true freinds will stay and the rest who don't,i guess we know then.....
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Moment's in life...............
Just as i was getting a grip of work and surroundings,i was told to go for relieving in a nearby town of Kapit,not sure if it was a blessing in disguise in some ways.
Not sure why the past still creeps in at the worst times.As i was coming via the 3hour bout ride,i was actually so elated,the view,i'm not sure how to describe was so stunning,you need to experience it for yourself to feel it.Met this guy who tells me he's been coming every month for the past 14years to fix the cable towers.As usual being the negatively morbid person i am i think,what happens if the boat sinks,along the way you see the driver avoiding this huge logs,have i told enough goodbye's,have i lived a happy life,have i told the important people in my life that i love them.
On the way to Kapit
Sometimes,actually most times i wished i wasnt born a girl(i'm not being gender bias
and please feminist out there don't come after me,it's my blog and i'm entitled to my own opinions),i hate it when i get so emotional,i tell myself i can do this,i'm strong enough,who gives a shit what people say,sadly it's all a big lie that I admit I tell to placade myself.In truth i actually find happiness seeing other people happy,but i think sometimes i secretly crave for that happiness,i'm just truly blessed to have great friends which i have somehow found along the way,life is a better place with them.
Not sure where i'm heading writting all this,wish i would stop doing random things,but i cant,i'v recently found out my favourite adjective is i don't know,there's only few things in life that i know for sure what i want,the rest i still don't,i hate myself for that as well....There are so many things i wish i could have done differently in life,but i dont think it would have made a difference,just need to psych myself to do what i think is right and do my best,so if i have anyone to blame it would be myself no matter the consequence,and see what life has in store for me.The important quest is finding what keeps u happy,no matter short or long term,lets see what happens after tomorrow,if i survive.
Was actually suppose to blog about Kapit,i guess that's for another day.....
"Grins widely" fake smile....
Not sure why the past still creeps in at the worst times.As i was coming via the 3hour bout ride,i was actually so elated,the view,i'm not sure how to describe was so stunning,you need to experience it for yourself to feel it.Met this guy who tells me he's been coming every month for the past 14years to fix the cable towers.As usual being the negatively morbid person i am i think,what happens if the boat sinks,along the way you see the driver avoiding this huge logs,have i told enough goodbye's,have i lived a happy life,have i told the important people in my life that i love them.
On the way to Kapit
Sometimes,actually most times i wished i wasnt born a girl(i'm not being gender bias
and please feminist out there don't come after me,it's my blog and i'm entitled to my own opinions),i hate it when i get so emotional,i tell myself i can do this,i'm strong enough,who gives a shit what people say,sadly it's all a big lie that I admit I tell to placade myself.In truth i actually find happiness seeing other people happy,but i think sometimes i secretly crave for that happiness,i'm just truly blessed to have great friends which i have somehow found along the way,life is a better place with them.
Not sure where i'm heading writting all this,wish i would stop doing random things,but i cant,i'v recently found out my favourite adjective is i don't know,there's only few things in life that i know for sure what i want,the rest i still don't,i hate myself for that as well....There are so many things i wish i could have done differently in life,but i dont think it would have made a difference,just need to psych myself to do what i think is right and do my best,so if i have anyone to blame it would be myself no matter the consequence,and see what life has in store for me.The important quest is finding what keeps u happy,no matter short or long term,lets see what happens after tomorrow,if i survive.
Was actually suppose to blog about Kapit,i guess that's for another day.....
"Grins widely" fake smile....
Thursday, June 3, 2010
1st day MO life.......
I felt like i was going through first day of school.The feeling of being lost,getting into peoples's way,overload of information.
Somehow the transition from houseman to mo,guess i dont really feel it yet,probably when i start doing call's independently,which i'm expected to do very soon.I pity my collegues because of the general shortage of mo's everywhere(thanks to the maldistribution/lack of doctor's in sarawak)who have been doing so many calls.
I'm sure this feeling will eventually pass and hopefully i'l start learning fast enough.
Somehow the transition from houseman to mo,guess i dont really feel it yet,probably when i start doing call's independently,which i'm expected to do very soon.I pity my collegues because of the general shortage of mo's everywhere(thanks to the maldistribution/lack of doctor's in sarawak)who have been doing so many calls.
I'm sure this feeling will eventually pass and hopefully i'l start learning fast enough.
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