Random musings of a doctor in sarawak

No Birth Cert No Fly,No Op

2012-01-24T20:59:00.000+08:00

I cant believe how ridiculous this is.We had a patient today from Belaga , very very interior in the Kapit division,who doesnt own a birth cert,even his parents doesnt,it may come as a surprise to you but really it's still quite common here.

He was scheduled for an heart op in IJN,so naturally in order to fly over and for the expenses there he would require a birth cert or at least a letter from the tuai rumah stating that his family is actually a malaysian citizen.But the funny thing is his old tuai rumah had passed on and the new one just refused to help,hmmm.We were actually in quite a predicament, in the first place it's so difficult to get a operation slot and the flight tickets were booked then cancelled,all sorts of unnecessary expences.

Batang Ai at sunset

We found the whole thing really ridiculous,he was born in a government hospital,checked by a government doctor,had an under-7 card during his delivery,yet we couldnt prove his identity.It's a good thing my specialist and bosses spoke to the concerned YB od the place and we managed to get things settled,otherwise he would be another denied of seeking treatment which rightfully he deserves as a citizen.

This is just an example of how despite the rest of the country progressing,everyone is suppose to get equal chance at health,it isnt so.The children in Sabah and Sarawak are not candidates for liver transplants only because of the logistics and it's next to impossible for them to come for follow-up despite being able to do the operation,it's really sad wouldnt you agree.Don't they have equal rights just like every single one of us.

Batang ai dam Sarawak

When we send our patients for future follow-up or when they're being discharged there's so much for us to look into,there is another patient of mine who stays interior of Kapit as well. Their journey to Kuching for follow-up includes having to take an express boat from their place to a logging camp,that too depending on the weather,then follow the logging camp company truck for another 2hours to reach Kapit town,stay a day there wherever they can,take a 3hour boat ride to Sibu,then another 6hours bus to Kuching,and mind you this is only for one follow-up.Imagine the cost of travelling,what about if they're really sick....It doesnt suprise us when they say they had enough,who wouldn.....

"IT'S UP TO ALL OF US TO CHANGE , HELP WHERE WE CAN AND TO STOP POINTING FINGERS AT ONE ANOTHER" , CHANGE DOESNT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT BUT IT HAS TO START SOMEWHERE :)) - Sangeetha Siniah-

2012

2012-01-05T21:33:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!!!!

Pangkor - Countdown 2012

Cheers to a new year filled with love,joy,hope and new beginnings

To new beginnings.....And 7 months later.....

2011-12-24T18:07:00.000+08:00

Where did 2011 go??the question we ask ourself every year without fail,hardly a blink and it's almost a year,feels like yesterday i was in Mukah celebrating new year and now it's almost ending.This year will definately go down in my history,such an important one,A very dear long lost friend turned out to be the guy of my dreams,the person i'm going to spend my whole life with.Am i scared,am i sure people ask???hell no,i'm not scared,not even a little,i'm honestly looking forward to a new chapter of my life.Sometimes it's really just meant to be.I'm just so lucky i found a guy i thought would not exist,he's terribly sweet,kind and the most important thing is he loves me so much,i know he'l do anything for me,and so would I :)

Career wise,cant believe i'v been in paediatrics for a year,passed my exam,more to come though,still so much to learn,but slowly absorbing,making baby steps improvement in knowledge,i'm so happy,it truly is fullflling seeing the patients you treat walk back home,or the one's who were scared of you in the beginning cling on laugh at the stupid noises and faces we make and give that sweet innocent smile,ahhhh,how could anyone resists,especially the 4year olds ;P

I ran a marathon,haha it's only a quarter,but still it's a start,finished it and even won something in the process:)Will try harder for another run next year,see if i can make it for the half marathon....

I managed to see more places,some just local but it's still places i hadn't been,aiming for more next year,even if it's only in Sarawak.

I'm glad things happened how it was supposed to happen,i know i cant turn back time,and i think i don't really want to as well.Next year is going to be wonderful,new starts,lovely first's,good times and bad times are going to be spent together.I cant wait.....

For now i'm just really looking forward to spend my new year holiday with the one i want to grow old with :)) Merry christmas and a Happy New Year !!!!!

At batang Ai

And He's The One ????

2011-09-02T00:54:00.000+08:00

Well you don’t know or put it this way you would never know,or then again would you??For years I’v always been bombarded/heard/discussed this,never really found the answer though.I love my romance novels,everyone expects the guys to come out like that,hmmm but do we ever find one in the real life???

So then early this January I met an old form six friend,we’d found each other last year thanks to facebook,did keep in touch a bit,and I was really curious about him because the last we met was over 7years back.I guess that was because I went to med school and india and he was here, so circumstances were such we just lost touch.Really wanted to meet him last year but was really busy with work and could only finally see him in January.

We met in Starbucks(yummy coffee), was actually on my study break,I admit I was nervous,I mean we’ve all grown up but meeting someone new is always something very intriguing,all these thoughts go in your head,what’l he think of you,do I look alright.But yeah when I saw him,it was a whoa moment.We had a wonderful dinner,managed to catch up on everything we missed this last 7years,and it was just amazing that there was this chemistry…..

Hmmm,now comes the scary part,I would know much later that this guy has liked me for 11years,till this day I think that’s something just crazy,way out of this world,I mean who on earth can like someone so much for that long.But the thing is I kinda knew that was the truth because he had something of mine from 11years back,something only a few people would know and keep,but it means a lot to me.All those times we dated other people,fell in and out of love,grew up,matured a lot but the most important thing was we both learnt to love and be happy and comfortable with ourselves first and only then this came by,just feels like it’s the right time……

So yeah from there despite the fact I was in sibu and he was in KL we managed to see each other at least once a month,he had work,I had work,we were both busy, but we found time to spend with one another.There was the phone calls,facebook messages,small things,things I’l always rememeber .

Eventually he asked me officially(ahhh May24 at Café Barbara-Coffee again)and I said yes,seriously who wouldn’t,he made me his number one priority,he got me a book copywritten under my name(I found out much later),he’s always been honest,I know what a very strong and a terribly loving person he can be,so even though I’m 11years too late I’m being very selfish in saying I’m so happy and lucky it was me.It’s something I never expected,never thought possible but it’s here and I’m greedily just sucking it all up,he always says it’l get better,and I’m always saying NO it won’t :P.When someone asked me so Sang is he the one??I didn’t hesitate when I said…….yes :) You see you’l just know it,at least that’s how I felt

So yes you know who you are,thank you for coming into my life and for loving me,we’re going to have a great number of years together.HAPPY 100 days love !!! It's only the beginning :))

the liquidator&the doctor

My Two Cent's On Housemanship

2011-06-23T21:30:00.002+08:00

These day's when i go to work my bosses,colleagues keep complaining about housemans.Even in the news,medical blogs.I guess times are different,there are a whole lot of them now as compared to before.But the thing is just by complaining are we really solving anything??

I think even most of us forget that housemanship is the time they're actually suppose to be learning as well,sometimes i don't think we're teaching enough or even setting a good example's.I believe a good houseman would make a good MO and a good MO would make a good specialist,respect has to be earned if people don't respect you, stop pointing fingers,reflect on yourself first.Contrary to what people think,being a doctor is definately not the toughest job in the the world,especially these days,it's just because generally we have been used to having an easy life,mum and dad always around,and suddenly we're on our own,making life changing decisions,working long hours(it doesnt help with all the private medical schoold mushrooming of course).

It's tough yes,the long hours,no food at times,being at the bottom of the whole work pyramid.But it's not impossible.Remember what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.

I'm happy that there are a few new doctor's who are reading my blog,i really hope it helps and inspires them a little, because i know it's a really long process that2years, that is if one does not get extended,but the thing is life's tough as well,every single stage of it.I mean if you have gone through 5years of medical school i'm sure you can do this as well.Just learn as much,don't be afraid to leave home and work somewhere else

And the most important thing that would get you through those long hours,on-calls is empathy,we need to love our patients,treat them as how you would you own mother or father,grandparents or siblings.They have needs and wants as well,some times although it's easy for us but it may not be so for them.Especially something i learnt more here in Sarawak where logistics is a major problem with no proper roads,boats timing’s to consider.

This adorable girl in Chiang Mai

Lastly I’m sure the new batch of doctor’s would do great as long as they have the right guidance and the right attitude,no matter what they say about the number of doctors,here in east Malaysia somehow we have yet to see the numbers,sometimes we are still quite short.So choose wisely and do a great job :)

This is how i survived mine
http://lostsarawakdoc.blogspot.com/2009/12/earthly-wisdom-from-houseman-whos.html

It starts with Hello :)

2011-06-23T21:20:00.001+08:00

I haven't been blogging much,been quite occupied this last month not really with work,but with my own life,found out how good life can get and things which you never plan and thought would never happen just happens,it's part of life i guess,and i absolutely love surprises.This new found happiness does not come your way everyday,and i'm definately not going to let it go,it means a whole lot to me,only some would know,and i would treasure it forever.

It's something some people search a lifetime for and surprisingly not many actually find it.Life's about being true to yourself,working hard towards goals in life,never giving up despite circumstances,making mistakes,staying as positive as you can,not judging,teaching other's if we can and loving with all your heart.

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine.

- Morris West -

Sunshine

2011-05-25T01:35:00.000+08:00

When a new chapter in life starts,i guess you always think it's never possible,but life.....ahhh....it's just so full of wonderful surprises i guess,learning,growing up it's all there.so here's to life,the present,future,and living :)

A Birthday, Enlightenment, and Achievement of Nirvana

2011-05-17T22:17:00.001+08:00

As a child, Siddhartha the Buddha, was troubled by some of the same thoughts that children today have. They wonder about birth and death. They wonder why they get sick and why grandfather died. They wonder why their wishes do not come true. Children also wonder about happiness and the beauty in nature.

-Attaining Nirvana-

Because the Buddha knew what was in the hearts of children and human kind, he taught everyone how to live a happy and peaceful life. Buddhism is not learning about strange beliefs from faraway lands. It is about looking at and thinking about our own lives. It shows us how to understand ourselves and how to cope with our daily problems.

Let me share some of my favourite quotes of his

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Buddha

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
Buddha

Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.
Buddha

Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.
Buddha

Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.
Buddha

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha


'Stupa"Candi Borubudur,Jogjakarta

Went to the buddist temple for the first time in Sibu,the Tua Pek Kong temple ,by the rejang river.Gave offerings,prayed and left.Starting to find peace with myself lately,there's a certain happy,smiley feeling lurking around these days,and i'm not complaining at all,just one day at a time:)

Mukah - Pesta Kaul , Road Trip

2011-05-14T16:54:00.002+08:00

Yes yet another wonderful sarawak adventure and road trip.This time the trip to Mukah was not for work but just to relax and be touristy,enjoy the sea ,aggghh bliss :) Wow the roads have imrpoved tremendously since the last few times,2yrs back it took almost 3hours through the plantation road,this time it only took one.Guess no one is actually gonna say that the roads to Mukah's a death sentence from now on....Hmmm hopefully the roads from Sibu to Bintulu would get better,say in the next 5 years (cough,cough...ELECTIONS,hint,hint)

So ya left around 2pm from sibu after work, 2 cars and the 6 of us(From various districts Song,Marudi,Saratok).Was post call,dead tired but really energized somehow with the thought of leaving Sibu even if it was just for a day.

Stopped for lunch at the Selangau rest-stop,huge place for mainly busses,lorries on their way in the never-ending Sarawak roads


L-R(Cindy,Justine,Easwary,John and Lorraine)

The wonderful new Mukah roads,heavenly to drive,haha i couldnt stop telling them how much i loved the roads,i cant help it,had a nightmare journey 2yrs back:)

Reached our Hotel by 4pm,Kingwood Hotel,bit far off from the town,ermm huge place but not many occupants really,yeah and my friends were teasing me that i was worried we couldnt get room,well i did think it was Kaul and many would come:)


View from the room:)

So off we went in search of the beach which hosts the pesta Kaul,the hotel is a bit far from the town around 10mins away


finally the beach :P


Missed the opening by one week,damn:(

'TIBAU' is what Kaul is really famous for -

The focus of the whole festival is the tibau or giant swing on which local youths defy danger as they swing in clusters high above the sand. Some locals claimed, at night, when the beach is deserted, the tibau moves by itself as the ancestral spirits get in the swing. Tibau aims to find out how many contestants can jump from a 20ft scaffolding and cling on to a rope - at the same time.
The tallest part is an inverted V-frame of two resilient hardwood poles. Four massive rattan cables ran from the apex to tether it to the ground, holding it upright. Another rattan cable, looped at the end to form the swing, hung down from the apex to reach the ground by mere inches.
The tibau is completed by a wide, angled rack nearly three storeys high with rungs every metre or so. It doubled both as a grandstand and springboard for the game. No nails are used in a tibau frame, for the spirit believed to inhabit the tibau does not favour metal.

Tibau

Spent sunset near the hotel,had a wonderful sea-food dinner by the river side on the house courtesy of my Mukah friends,agghhh tht's life,super exhausted but so worth tht 2hour trip

sunset by the hotel

sunset

'Lamin Dana'

Visited a traditional village house the next morning before heading back,it's used as a home-stay,quaint place with a river 'Lamin Dana'


'hello mr boatman'


spot on

miniature tibau

Overall a well spent 24hour road-trip with good food,great friends and yes the so much better roads

Happy Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-08T00:25:00.000+08:00

Reality check....

http://www.amaroksociety.org/products/mothers-day-cards

It's true there's no way we could all be here if it wasnt for our mother's .They always say nothing can compare to a mother's love and dedication,and that's something quite true.Of course it shouldn't be just this day that we show our love and appreciation,but still i guess it's there for a reason,it's a day for mother's to feel extra special and knowing the entire world is celebrating mother's out there regardless of race,religion,colour,sex,whether they're a single parent or just anybody else who is a mother.

I still believe mother's hold they ultimate key in shaping the future,they're one of the toughest people in this world.So yes Happy Mother's Day mummy,i'm so proud of you and i could never thank you enough for all you've ever done,i love you so :)

Love you:)

She Got Treated :))

2011-05-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

This refer's to

http://lostsarawakdoc.blogspot.com/2011/01/unassuming-yet-interesting-girl.html

She went to Kuching and got treatment for her cancer,and she's feeling much better now.I think we should all be really happy for her....

Truthfully when i got the text from her i was relieved,she had her own feelings,opinions so i wasnt sure if she'd go ahead with it,but i'm really,really glad she did.I'm happy that i tried convincing her.It's true we can't force people to do things they don't believe in,and yes it doesn't always work out the way we want to,but the thing is if we don't try we woulnt know and it's not wrong to give some advice within our field,there is a reason we got trained,our profession's do not limit us to what we do at the hospital/at work,i feel it should be expanded out as well within reasonable reason's.

These day's we worry about legalities,"oh no i'm going to be sued if it doesnt come out right",and yes everybody take's care of our own need's first,but what happens to things like humanities,just caring or that little bit of help,not necessary to the less fortunate,it could even be a friend,our world needs that too sometimes.

:)

SIBU MARATHON DAY !!!!

2011-05-02T20:58:00.000+08:00

Wah finally the day came,ermm not a clear and bright one,very dark and heavy drizzle kind.But yeah i did it,ran 10km in an hour,i'm so proud of myself,it's only the first time,think it was good.Although not many participants for the men and women open,apparently most joined the 7km fun run.But wow i'm happy i finally got the feel of the atmosphere,hmmm think i'm having the marathon bug :P

Guess it was worth waking up at6am on labour day despite not going to work.

The best part of it all,i really proved myself wrong,it's not what you can't achieve it's about what you can:)
My friend and my prize money was very well spent with the others in the post run meal:)) That was truly the best part of it all.....


yummy ice kacang at gerai no 6 in Sarikei

"The mile has all the elements of a drama."
Sir Roger Bannister

Sarawak Elections 2011

2011-04-13T00:00:00.002+08:00

I guess i should blog about it since :

1) i'm experiencing it first hand by being here all the poster's,'ceramah',campaining,sudden interest in the people ( It works out for them since most of us have a short memory )
2) It's almost as big as the national elections
3) There's of course so much hype about it
4) Although i'm not registered to vote here indirectly somehow we're all involved in it (it might be a safe thing that i'm oncall on the 16th)

So yeah amidst all this i think the one thing which i will remember about this election is not the ridiculous poster's which make them look like lost models,nor the 'gathering's',or people building a bridge out of no where(regret not taking the picture)..........

But the poor pilot who died yesterday in a helicopter crash,amidst ferrying politicians,i heard and read the story,i saw the poor guy,i saw all the politicians and reporters and the hype in the hospital.It was a very sudden,freak accident i guess,but yeah he's young and leave's behind quite a few loved one's.It's quite a scary thought that most of us here actually take the very same helicopter's on MEDEVAC's,FDS(Flying doctor's Service) for various reasons.So i would like to post this as a tribute to the Captain although i never knew him personally,may he rest in peace and may his family,wife and children remain strong throughout.

http://www.theborneopost.com/?p=118438

A moment of silence.................

Finally A Marathon ???

2011-03-27T23:30:00.000+08:00

Haven written inawhile,quite a bit happening with myself, sarawak,the world these days,but just don't feel the burning desire to write about all that now.

So i saw this poster in a Sibu coffee shop in town which said Sibu Mini Marathon.Wow finally,never thought Sibu actually had one.Ermm it's really mini only 7km,but what the heck everyone starts somewhere right??eventually one day i'l do a 26km,so it's baby steps for now.I love to jog and run so why not just join for the fun of it.It is a really positive thing to do anyways.

When through a website cause i thought i might as well get some guidance,got lots of inspiration and encouragements from friends who've done it,i was still thinking can i really....So what the webpage asks

By the way, why do you want to do this? Don’t let yourself off by stopping at your first answer! Dig deep!

So i'v dug deep and i think i just want something new and positive to focus on,rather then worry bout the problems i face,cause they're actually really trivial.It's so easy to give excuses for our own actions/behaviour but it's not always right.I guess this is just me.I see these marathon runners and i think they're really disciplined and motivated,i'm sure i could try and cause lately i like to prove myself wrong i think i will.

So yeah the countdown starts from today till 1/5/2010 lets see where i get to,shall rant occasionally of course.

"We run, not because we think it is doing us good, but because we enjoy it and cannot help ourselves. The more restricted our society and work become, the more necessary it will be to find some outlet for this craving for freedom. No one can say, 'You must not run faster than this, or jump higher than that.' The human spirit is indomitable."

- Sir Roger Bannister- first man to break the four minute mile

Happy Women's Day !!!!

2011-03-08T23:27:00.000+08:00

Before the day comes to an end best to commemorate this day,something which i truly believe in,not being a feminist but just believing in women knowing and holding on to their rights in today's world.Loved this paragraph i read in the paper's by Ivy Josiah ( Women's Aid Organisation Executive Director )

'When I am asked how my social consciousness was awakened, I tell them that it was a nun, Sister Anne, who was my teacher, who encouraged me to ask questions. That was how I first came to believe that a woman’s life should be about choices and not just accepting anything given to, or thrown at, her.'
So once again my prayers to all the strong,independent,courages,gorgeous women out there especially the single mothers,may they stay positive and be blessed forever

May we strive towards millenium development goal number 3 promoting gender equality and empowering women :)

One step closer

2011-03-05T18:53:00.000+08:00

Finally some fantastic news,getting one step closer to achieving my dreams.Thank you to everyone who played a huge role :)

"Can't stop grinning sheepishly"

And Just Like That It's over

2011-02-09T02:22:00.000+08:00

Went for 1 but fought 2 battles instead,i did my very best for both however i can.so we'll just wait for the results, i guess it would be a lie to say if it wasn't a little awkward or sad.But it's in a different way now.The past should just be left where it should be.I found a very interesting inspiration/idea amidst studying,will try to work on that and hopefully it would be inspiring to other's as well

"Here's to making good memories , not good choices "

It start's Now .....

2011-02-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

And the time has come to start calls in paeds , how do i feel , hmmm actually not as scared as i should be i guess,probably cause i have my exams as a distraction.Just like that it's already the 3rd chinese new year i'm celebrating in sibu,where did time go ??? But never before in any other place have i seen people play that much of fire-works,hoping i'l get to see it from the hospital,with the kids.

On the brighter side after so many years my collegues all get to be off for their reunion dinner,finally a non-chinese in the department :) works both ways cause i wouldn't have to fight with anyone for deepavali and other holidays either.Have a very motivating and dedicated team of specialists and collegues,so happy to have joined them finally.

So we shall see what happens tomorrow,good or bad it'l be another milestone in my future and the journey continues.

"Have a prosperous RABBITY new year " and have an orange or even a carrot on me:)

Home :)

2011-01-28T22:56:00.000+08:00

Home is where the heart is and a house is where we live ( Go figure)

My mother the artist doing what she loves

This is me with nothing much inspiring to write about, and just bored in the midst of preparing for exams,can't wait for it to finish though.Can't say i didn't enjoy the week,in fact just the opposite,probably enjoyed it a little too much,hmmm

The unassuming yet interesting girl ....

2011-01-16T00:05:00.000+08:00

This post is long overdue.It's about the girl i met during my speedboat adventure to mukah

http://lostsarawakdoc.blogspot.com/2010/12/relieving-mukah-speed-boat-experience.html

She was a very pretty chinese girl,around my age i guess,with her mum and dad.The nice people whom i met at the wharf.Said she just got back from KL,working and living in Mukah.

We started talking while waiting for the boat to leave.She was interested that i was a doctor.She said she was on TB meds for the last 6months for a chronic cough taken at the local hosp,despite the fact that it didnt get better.She was travelling up and down to Sibu private hospital to get second opinions,mind you the roads from mukah to sibu are horrible.could understand her predicament.

She said after the scans they found that she actually had lung cancer,i was truly shocked,in my mind thinking how is it possible for her to get it,she's so young.She continued her story saying she went to KL for a second opinion,at a very expensive private centre.Doctors confrimed the diagnosis with a biopsy,told her she had to do a lobectomy(removing part of the lung),but she was not keen

So after all that she tells me she had enough,she wants to try traditional medication,coz she's scared of the operations.Oh oh alarms start going off in my head,have heard this before so many times and contrary that miracles do happen i'v seen horrible outcomes.

I spent 2 hours trying to convince her that even though she doesnt want the op at least try the chemo or radio.Explained that she still had her whole life ahead of her,her parents and family to think of,she should at least try and not give up without a fight,there must be a reason god wanted her to find out early.Told her to come see me in the hospital so i can refer her to the oncology in Kuching.Even told her i understand the 5stages of grief and how difficult it must be.My mum went through the same thing when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and after all the surgeris,chemo and radio,she's back to her usual self.

I thought i was making progress,but she smiled very sweetly and said she'l try but she's busy.Looking at her i knew i was losing the battle,in desperation i gave her my number to contact at any time.Waited for her a whole week,even msgd to remind but she never came,said she was busy,I guess after this i can only pray for her.

In despair

Few issues here :
1.Again because of the distance and lack of facilities i feel the people are totally shortchanged,i mean if we(the government) have proper screenings facilities,better roads could her mind have been changed.She's terribly frustrated and i can understand she had to travel all the way from Mukah to KL for someone to tell her that she had a terminal illness,which i think is very unfair.After all the running around she's just tired from all that.Dont get me wrong she has an absolutely positive outlook of life,if i were her i dont think i'l be half as strong,but it was so sad
2.People in Sabah,Sarawak and the rural areas deserve better
3.I'm still in contact with her though she still has not sought treatment yet,i will continue to try,just hope it would not be too late

Unlikely Coincidence

2011-01-13T21:57:00.002+08:00

Hmmm call it fate , an unlikely coincidence , when you think you understand people so well they can really surprise you,is that for the better maybe.Seems quite intriguing so i'm definately interested to see how things goes.Things happen for a reason :)

If your wondering it's a personal feeling that's been tugging,might be good or turn out horrible,shall just wait and see

Empowering women

2011-01-08T22:35:00.000+08:00

Ladies, let’s make a difference!

I FELT truly empowered reading about Zainah Anwar in A sister steps out (StarMag, March 30) and I really look forward to reading her column (Sharing the nation, in the Sunday Star) in the future.
Although I am not an activist, I do know about gender equality issues but I have always thought that what I have to say will not make a difference.

My sister once told me, “Don’t just think your thoughts, write them down... just because 10 people don’t share the same ideas, that doesn’t mean 100 others don’t either”.

From recent experiences, I have come to understand the plight of women who live with invisible strings attached, holding them back from voicing opinions and making themselves heard. I am truly irked at some people who feel women should not question but just listen.

I feel the people who can make a difference in changing how society treats women are mothers.
If mothers can teach their children – be they boys or girls – from young to respect others equally, that would shape their attitudes when they grow up.
Stop blindly following “culture”. Don’t tell your daughters they can’t be successful just because they are female. Instead, encourage them to strive to reach their full potential.

gTo the women out there, this is my advice: do not simply conform to traditional rules of society and culture. You have the ability to think logically, to question, and know right from wrong. So, exercise that ability!
Of course, we may have some limitations – be they physical or emotional – but that should not stop us from being successful, from fighting for what we believe in, and from not letting people take advantage of us.
It’s hard, yes. But, it’s not impossible.
Dr Sangeetha Siniah, Subang Jaya, Selangor

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/4/6/lifefocus/20845642&sec=lifefocus&cid=0&ei=o2_4R-esEY30yAS5m4DVDw&usg=AFrqEzeLp4F_7VjNk0AB2XIeWRQd_JYZH

It's been 2 years since i last wrote this , i still feel the same way about it.Felt like sharing :)

In Pursuit Of Happiness :)

2011-01-01T17:46:00.001+08:00

Hello 2011 , It's been a first great day of the year.Was reminded of things i should be proud off.And i started the day travelling,although it was an escort patient from Mukah to Sibu.I must say the roads are so much better then 2years back and heard by next year it will be completed.

I smell something politically fishy behind all that,but then again what would i know,i'm after all "just a small tiny government servant" cough,cough.Guess at least the people here would benefit.At least maybe more children can go to school.Something about the Millenium Develepment Goals,hmmm.

Anyway much to my surprise i had a great time in Mukah,the people are so friendly,patients will be patients but they are so gratefull for whatever little we do,makes me very humbled.Will not forget the amount of fish i had,the yummy grilled meat,good company,good singing:P and the wonderful seaside view.Something my friend said Being a district doctor is truly being a people's doctor,not just treating the rich,you get satisfaction in doing what you want,because you also see the results(must remember that especially when times are tough)

So cheers to all the district doctors,i shall be joining them quite soon :)

Mukah,awesome view don't you agree??

The End !!!!

2010-12-30T21:45:00.000+08:00

Never!!! It's only the beginning:).I know this is where we're suppose to make resolutions we never keep,so i'l make it short and be thankful i lived another year,cause life's way too short

It was a fantastic year that it ended so fast
Next year will be even better,more to learn,places to see,more adventure :P
I'm grateful for the things i have and the people(friends and family) who love me
Random things happen all the time - never thought i would spend new year's out of sibu and here i am in Mukah :)

Learning to be happy starts from within ,Shall leave this post with a camwhore moment

Cheers - Happy New Year 2011

Relieving Mukah ( Speed boat experience from Sibu Wharf to supposedly Dalat)

2010-12-26T12:22:00.000+08:00

-You will find out why supposedly Dalat in a short while-

Was told to go relieving this time to Mukah .It's quite a big district about3hrs drive from Sibu.As usual as in most places in Sarawak the road is horrible,been there before and although it's tempting to have my own car here since i'l be there for a week.Decided that i'l just take the speed boat to a nearby town called Dalat then get the hospital to come pick me.Heard that it was a much better way to travel,and of course i always like an adventure:)

So headed to the Sibu Wharf,all jam packed coz it was christmas eve.Especially the express to Kapit,u see lots of chickens,kitten's in steel cages(don't ask me why) squeeling children,annoyed,irritated and sweaty parents "Aggh the joys of parenthood,grins slyly"

I know the wharf to dalat is on the other side,wasnt very sure how the speedboat looks like.Saw lots of people waiting but i didnt see any boat.So i asked this seemingly nice old lady

"Makcik sini kah tempat ambil boat ke dalat"

Wah she actually snubbed me "Mana saya tahu,carilah"

Whoa was thinking very rarely people around here are that rude,but maybe she just had a bad day.Finally got my answer from another lady who was really in distress
"Ya sini,patut ada banyak boat tapi si banyak sekarang,aduh tak tau la"

So i waited under the hot sun,pretending to be one of the locals,well sadly of course i dont look like one
"Can here people whispering,Nama hal thamby tu situk" (translation why is this indian here)

That's why here i refer to myself as "thamby putih"coz people here know thamby as indians and since i'm fair it fits the description,not much confusion as to if i'm a singh or from india or chindian

Back about the boat,was silently cursing myself why didn't i just take the bus.Met this very nice chinese family husband,wife and daughter who's around my age.I shall write specifically about this interesting girl and the conversation i had in another post.

So happy i made friends and thet're local thought will just stick with them,haha.Finally the boat came after an hour plus waiting.Bags on the top and we sit inside.Ermm as usual i was late so i had to sit on the isle on tiny kindergarden chairs,praying i would not fall since i'm known to be such a klutz.

Wah the ride was nice,and bumpy,just like going on the boat in the sea.Never underestimate the mighty rejang.Not long after it started raining so heavily,luckily the girl i met donated her umbrella to those sitting at the edge.

Hmm as i sat enjoying the ride,looking around i see all this people who do this everyday not just occasionally like me.Thank god at least there are life jackets.You'l pass by so many fishing villages along the way.They're carefree life is nice to watch.The boatman is so skillfull,going at that speed avoiding all this huge barges and logs,scary.

Ooo forgot to mention an important thing,guess who was sitting across me,that rude lady who refuse to tell me about the boat to dalat.I very cheekily kept staring at her the whole way,haha she actually looked so uncomfortable.

Ya so we didnt actually reach dalat,the boat stopped at this place called Kampung Kut as the water levels were to low to procede on.Thank god my new found friends said they'd give me a lift to dalat where the driver from the hospital would be waiting

Kg Kut where we got stranded

Van's to take us to dalat

So finally arrived at Dalat,the driver was getting worried i hadnt showed up yet.He seemed quite relieved to see me.Haha the white indian made it after all :P

The Step Forward..........

2010-12-16T21:16:00.000+08:00

Coming back into the paediatric department after 2and 1/2 years as an MO is like i'm coming back home again,all new/different/tons to read up on,but it's different.Something me ex boss said, when you do something your passionate about it's almost like falling in love again.Ahhh how true.I guess i definately love babies more than i love adults:)

Come a long way since me 1st houseman posting in paediatric 2years ago......

MERCY Malaysia - Sarawak Chapter (Medical mission to Long Luar,Belaga)

2010-12-14T12:43:00.002+08:00

One word AMAZING.This mission fulfilled what i had always wanted to do since coming to sarawak,not just working in the hospital

1.Serve the people who are really in need,at the most unreachable areas
2.A 4wheel drive adventure
3.Creating awareness in any little way we can

MERCY Malaysia is a non-profit organization further details go to
http://www.mercy.org.my/

So anyway the whole team of 4 wheel drives was heading down from miri,one car had to detour to pick me up from bintulu airport.Honestly i was quite nervous,although i love adventure,when the lady in charge told me not to expect anything,of course i wasnt but i couldn help thinking of wht i had to bring hmmmm

"Sleeping bag - check , torchlight - check,fishing rod (ermm seriously u want me to fish)"
Sadly i am after all a subang girl :)

So anyway met this 4 great volunteers from miri 2 doctors,1 nurse and our driver - We headed on to Sg Asap a 2 hours drive from the airport where we were suppose to meet the rest of them

What might be our last meal for the next 3days

Part of the entourage

Part of the organisers eating in Sungai Asap

From Sg Asap drove another 40 mins towards the area to our destination

Pit stop before our gruelling 4hour journey.At was 4pm when we left this place towards the long luar area

The nature call stops 2hours midway

One of the many penan villages on our way,needed to stop and promote/ask them to attend the mobile clinic the following day

Finally we arrive at Long Luar at 8pm,trust me no electricity,no water,only generator is at the tuai rumah's house

Busy uploading things for the mobile clinic the following day

The people

After all the uploading we had to head another 20mins to the place we were suppose to stay.All in suspense coz the organizers told us not to expect much.Few volunteers left earlier to start preparing for dinner.By this time most of us were really exhausted after almost 10hours on the road,plus the clinics the next day

Absolutely lovely meals throughout the trips - we were never left hungry

Yay so happy to see where we were staying - Camp Samling ,a bit of a squeeze with 20plus people per house but who cares at least we had a roof over our heads

All bright and cheerful to start of day long clinics

The prgramme's for the day was the mobile clinic,activities for the children,and risk reduction in case of fire

Medical @ GP's

Eye check-up

Dentist - Very good business :)

The very dedicated pharmacist explaining and re-explaining - cause most of the times the parents cannot be found

Dietician's checking the BMI,nutrition and health counselling

An excellent Pap smear screening

Risk reduction in case of fire all the pails were filled with sand by the volunteers,because the penan people do not know how to use a fire extinguisher.Hopefully the education helped

So we ran clinics from 8-1 then lunch break resume from 2-5 .The turnout was good,some came from nearby longhouses(near meaning an hour long boat ride:)Overall it was great.Saw almost 300people.

Group picture - Great job everyone:)

Final BBQ and de-briefing session

Overall it should be commended that everyone put in so much of time,effort and mostly volunteering to do something.Actually the Long Luar plight started because their long house was destroyed in a fire and hence the risk reduction in case a fire were to happen was advised.These people still cook with firewood,have no proper running water,even no school for the children.Someone comes in 3times a week to teach these kids,but is it really enough(I think we can all answer it for ourselves)

The number of children you see there will really surprise you,u think and see what happens when these kids grow up,will they follow their parents footsteps and still live like a nomad,would they ever learn about internet,I-phone???

That's why it is so commendable that an organization which is the Rotary Club of Victoria Singapore is going to adopt them for further continuity of efforts to revive not just the folks here but also those from the nearby areas.Thank you MERCY sarawak for rercruting me for being apart of this wonderful mission and UMW the main sponsors for making it happen as well,may there be more in the future.A shoutout too to all those volunteers,the organisers who all did their part making all this happen,things like this only work out greatly when there is teamwork and a lot of passion,cheers:)

Miracles,A little faith and a lot of luck :)

2010-12-01T02:28:00.000+08:00

Today was a very melancholic moment , Finally after 2years of housemanship , 6months as an mo in anes i'm finally going to paeds.Call me lame but i cannot control how excited i am,haha that's why i'm awake at this very moment and full of energy( it could be because my sleep pattern has been altered from of the ICU calls as well:))

After months of uncertainties,doing lots and lots of calls in anes,learning as fast as possible,people telling me eh now that your in anes sure you won't want to do paeds one/sure get stuck here.Thank god i stuck to my principal and my passion.I mean i really enjoyed the experience and working in anes,i shall be forever grateful for it,but it's not my passion.I've wanted to do paediatrics since in med school.I mean why would i change what i want to do just because situation calls for us to do something else first.It all goes to show if you want something really badly,really stick to the thought,focus on it and just be patient,regardless the months or the years,it will happen.People just generally give up so easily i realise,not just in work in other life aspects as well,it's so sad .

I agree that most of the time it's difficult for us to get what we want and sometimes we compromise,but just make sure we're happy with our choices and don't be jelous when other's get what we don't .That would still make us a bitter person.

It's only a stepping stone,but i'm so glad it happened,i'm still trying to find ways to stay happy and make a difference in life,in small ways of course.Which ever department i've been too,the joy of seeing people get cured or go home happy is terribly rewarding,and yes i admit i'm an adrenaline junkie :P.People ask me why paeds and not adults,well it's because they get well so much faster and they're an absolute challenge to work with:)

I keep reminding myself here along the way incase i forget,the reason i became a doctor was to help and teach others,trying to do least harm as possible,along the way learning as well,may I never forget that even when the going gets tough:)

Arggh Hormones..............

2010-11-27T00:28:00.000+08:00

Endorphins keeps u up , while cortisol just slowly kills u

Lets not even go into those that creeps up that certain time every month . Never use to believe in PMS when i was younger,these days even the endorphins aren't good enough to halt/stop it....

I'm not really a contact sports person,never thought running would be one of the best, life changing,simpactful thing that could happen to me,but i'm glad it did.Although it's physically tiring,but just concentrating on your run is somehow so de-stressing,at least for me.When i'm sad,stressed,PMS'ing i run :)

Although i must say aerobics taught by a guy who passionately dances and sing's to Lady Gaga's poker face seems to be helping as well :P

Just one of those days where i'm not really liking and wish a new day would just come soon.

-One day at a time-

When too many choices is a bad thing

2010-11-17T23:02:00.000+08:00

First there was none,now there's one to many.And we're still not happy,why coz it doesnt feel right,it's not the time and of course the scary feeling of trusting again

The famous myth

When it happens you would know if it's right,wrong or if it's time

As i was having all this inner turmoils,plus having lots of extended family over for holidays.....

Went to Batu Caves with my family,plus the extended one.For me i was more excited climbing up and down the stairs,haha thought about how fit i am now compared to 10years back,haha so proud of course.Was telling my dad how i prefer coming here when it's not Thaipusam because i absolutely can't stand the crowd.No offence but do they really have to grind on you,it's terribly disgusting i have to add,we're not in some club for the love of god.

What he told me was something i didnt expect

"You see geet although every year there's a crowd,when you have a will to do something,you will always find your path or someway to do it,despite the crowd,the walk,heat,rain we still make it right"

"It's the same with life,not necesarily only spiritual,when you want something so badly,and work hard at it,along the way not harming anyone in the process,the path is then created,it may take some time,but not giving up and trying hard helps"

Sigh i mean of course i know all these things,but i hardly think of it,he put it into words so nicely,guess people say as you age we'd also get wiser.Of course i also hope one day it would impart such great knowledge/advice to my children,haha,wishful thinking :P

That's why my new resolve will be to concentrate on the bigger picture,try and make best of the oppurtunities i have,accept things happen for a reason,good or bad,try out as many things i can including travelling/helping people,looking at life with a more positive outlook and of course giving people a chance as well :)

The Road Trip ( Drive - Eat - Talk )

2010-10-26T23:15:00.000+08:00

Embarked on a crazy 3days 2nights trip from SIBU - BINTULU - MIRI then back again,i must say it was fun,we all had our own reasons for this sudden very impulsive trip,but it's something we needed out of our daily routine,boring lives literally leave everything and run.It's amazing how much one can do in 48hours.

Hmm to start the roads were ridiculuosly bad,if anyone has travelled they would know,your just waiting for the huge pothole,or the idiot driver that drives like an ***hole.

Seriously there is so much land,if they could build bakun the least they could do was just make it a double lane.Oh and please take this sound advice and try not to travel at night unless of course u'r seriously thinking of no better way to end ur life then a road kill.The highlights of the trip are the same as every road trip people embark on.

Discovered bintulu a little,was the first time visiting although we've all bypassed it on our way,nothing much to shout about,but at least it has a sea view unlike sibu

Started off with yummy dim sum,of course cant beat the one's from west,but what to do beggars shall not be choosers

Headed on to miri, along the way stopped by Similajau National Park,nice place but it appears very poorly maintained,probably come back to explore another time.

As i hope what happens on all road trips (or maybe just ours) we were so sure the fuel would last till we reached miri,then again we are doctors and not mathematicians,so after the stretch of vast oil palm,meter started blinking.Oh oh now we think of saving the environment,off air-con & radio(start singing),wind down windows,thank god niah town wasnt so far,stopped at the Gua Niah National Park,more like a stop and see,drive again:)

Yay Miri - Civilization,haha at least for us = Bigger malls than sibu + Starbucks that the 3 of us will not forget + Ermm crazy dancing girls(poor john's scared for life) + Glorious indian food.Let the pics do the talking

Sadly before we knew it,time to say bye-bye miri....hopefully it's a start to more road trips to explore sarawak - this remarkable land,in the midst of working here:)

Whirlwind september ....

2010-10-02T15:16:00.000+08:00

To summarize it was more work,and a whole lot of crazy travelling.Along the way i'm always learning new things and revamping my life.

They say when you travel not only do you rest but your constantly learning and experiencing new things.Went to jogjakarta,i have to say south east asia is such a beautiful place,no wonder the westerners love coming here,culture's diverse,people are generally caring and generous.

In each trip i always find a lesson in life,in this trip i learnt 2

Firstly(conversation between tour guide and us at the volcano)

Tour guide - "OK guys go ahead first i'm going to shoot the rabbit"

Hence the individual response from each member of the family

Me - "Cool but how come i dont see any rabbit"

Sister(Who is currently doing journalism,international relations-very involved in human rights,indigenous people)

"Wow he's actually going to shoot the rabbit for the family dinner",then she goes on telling me about how people still have to hunt for food,bla,bla,bla

Mummy - "He has a gun ah"

My dad after listening to all our response,bursts out laughing,of course we thought he was being very insensitive,but he says

"Wht he actually was trying to say was he wants to go pee"

*Faint*....haha so embaressing

Talk about generation gap,but mum didnt know either:P

Lucky thing the tour guide didnt actually hear us

2nd lesson in life

We were shopping in some shop when we heard very strong winds outside,you could actually hear the zinc roof's moving around.
i thought it was quite normal,i mean it's quite a common occurance here,but there you could see all of them so terrified,there was a moment of shear panic outside the shop,people running,everyone looking up at the sky.

Thinking back later the reason they're so worried is because it's so prone for natural disasters the last earth quake was in 2006 the volcano is constantly erupting,so obviously they're shit scared.

We take things for granted,even the place we stay in,sigh,life is just too short,we really shouldn't waste it with petty things or worrying about what may happen....

Young mother's ........

2010-09-12T17:44:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you wonder is there such a thing as the right age to have a child.I put this girl who is only 13years old under for generel anesthesia,her ceasarian was for a big baby and post date,thank god she didnt go in to labour.There is always a higher risk for GA in pregnant mother's but we dont have much choice when they're at this age.

Sigh she's barely a child herself,and she's going to be a mother .When we were going to put her under she started crying,was really anxious.Anticipated problems with her because she was overweight,true enough she developed bronchospasm,and little difficult to ventilate,although she's big,her physiology is still of a 13year old,plus pregnancy chnages has it's own problems.Even her op wasnt a very smooth one,a lot of blood loss,her baby was a whooping 4.15kg.

The reason i'm writting this is in many other places this would be considered as rape.When i first came and was in my O&G posting i was thinking what are this girls doing having babies at 13,14 the youngest was 11,but it is allowed here i was told as long as the village headman approves it.Maybe i'm just being skeptical but they're just to young.Even at 28 i think i'm not ready what more at 13.Plus the risk involved,any part of the labour process could have taken her life but of course who thinks of all that,childbirth genereally has no problems,but when it goes wrong,it goes really wrong,sigh.

Not sure where we should start in educating them,as i said before culture is a very delicate thing,probably this girl did not have a choice,or maybe she did,is she even old enough to decide if she wants a child,her next pregnancy will definately carry a higher risk,just hope it'l be alright.

Why we became doctors.....

2010-09-05T17:05:00.000+08:00

To honour the code,to serve the people,to get rich quick,past life changing experiences.We all have our reasons,no right and no wrong,just as long we're happy with the reasons we choose individually that's all matters.It would definately help to care a bit more,but a lot of factors come to play,we have our own stressors,problems,if we cant deal with our own how do we give the best to others.We all handle stress in different ways

Saying is always easy but it's practising what we say is the hardest.At the end work will always be work,we need to find that fine balance between work and play otherwise we'll be sucked into work so much it wont make us a better person at all,probably even make us bitter,passionless,revengfull,sad,depressed.So even if we're not into settling down we should do things to occupy ourselves or like they say an idle mind does worrying things.It could be anything finding a hobby,exercise,hanging out with friends,travelling,sigh anything except nothing:)

Good things,happy times will come,we just need to patiently wait for it.Bad times/worst moments will eventually pass.It helps having wishfull thinking and of course a little faith:)

Merdeka Merdeka Merdeka !!!!!

2010-08-30T22:55:00.000+08:00

Truly it's a whole different merdeka , last year this day it's was filled with uncertainies,a little saddness,happy times.As our country celebrates it's independence this year guess i should be proud to celebrate mine in my own way as well,honesty goes such a long way,even knowing what u want.How much independence is so important to each individual i can't begin to explain,but it really counts.Of course a little pampering,some amount of caring is important but definately not 24/7,we need to realise what's important and and learn to strive for it.Taking things one day at a time is important,for we never know what the future holds may it be good or bad,we can only have a little hope,faith and be prepared to work really hard for that.

So cheers to our country and it's independence,and to our's as well,will always be malaysian,regardless of my race,colour or religion,may other's start believing in that as well.For now will dream about my pink roses,enjoy the solitude and pray for a better tomorrow and for all the people who are dear to me:)

Happy independence Malaysia....

Hallmark :)

2010-08-25T22:06:00.000+08:00

THIS IS DEDICATED TO DADDY , HE PASSED FIRST YEAR LAW AT 59

Distance 184km......

2010-08-21T21:16:00.001+08:00

Realize i'm always inspired to write more when i'm feeling down,this habit started since secondary school.Those days it was'Dear diary i'm so pissed of with life,why is it so unfair,and of course the other things which shall not be mentioned'haha,looking back now of course it was good to laugh at those entries,maybe when i'm 40 and i read my blog i'l be doing the same,'What was i thinking pouring my heart out',such stupid rantings

It still surprises me how people can come into our lives and walk away not realising they changed it.How are some people so emotionally strong,it's either they're really good at acting or they really are,i'm learning to block emotions,but it's so difficult to achieve/do,i gain genuine happiness seeing the people around me happy,

Is it true it's better not to care about people,is it so easily done,when i love/care/give gifts i do it without expecting anything back,i've always believed if u do something with an open heart there would be nothing to expect,my friends think i'm weird but i dont expect people to care about me,tht's just how i am,doesnt matter at work or elsewhere.So when someone does something/gives me something/shows they care,they automatically win me over for a lifetime.

Human's must be allowed to make their own choices,we shouldn be forced into doing something we dont want to,because A)We'll hate it B)We wont do it well C)Won't be happy.It's so easy to say you must do the right thing,but regardless diferrent people are different,how would you know if what's right for you is right for me.

This last sentence is not going to make sense,but i know what it means,'Defence mechanism went down the drain':(

Culture , Tradition and Life

2010-08-14T11:02:00.002+08:00

I'm a firm believer we should never be bound to culture and tradition,we should follow it just so it doesnt die,but why should we not question when we have the right to.We know everything in life changes so why cant our culture and traditions change as well,just because our parents,grandparents or friends say so,that doesnt make it right.I'm not saying everything is wrong,there is no right or wrong thought,it's how we perceive it.

Think it's more important to have our own sets of principles,priorities and stick to it.I know i was born an indian,but i have never had that many indian friends,i'v always believed we should never racialise or judge people based on their race,more on how they speak,thet act/behave,or if they actually think before speaking.I get quite annoyed when people from my own race tell me how i should and should not behave,how to speak,why i have not gotten married,haha the age old thing,it's funny at first but after some time it can get quite annoying.

Sadly i know there is no changing them,and of course it isnt their fault as well,that's how they think but that doesnt mean it's right or i need to follow or accept,i have a mind of my own,i too know right from wrong,my sets of priorities and principles.It may not always be right,but it's also ok to make mistakes in life,that's when we actually learn.When i go to sleep it's my concience that i'm answerable too.

I wish i people would look beyond this race,culture and treat each other like humans.If one day i have kids,even if i adopt,i cant wait to teach them to love/like everyone without judging them by means of religion/race.I can imagine so many people disagreeing with me,but even if 1 out of 1000000 people get this message across or inspires them,it would make a difference,at least we're getting somewhere,anywhere

The guy who should but couldn't survive..........

2010-08-12T11:54:00.000+08:00

Into my fourth ICU call,slowly gainning a little confidence,so much more to learn.Secretly even though paediatrics is my passion,i dont think i'l ever regret coming here and getting trained.

Of course as a houseman i'v always told myself i need to do my best,dont let anyone die,but somehow yesterday the feeling was different in the sense that even though i knew he had no chance of survival i desperately wanted him to,Was telling myself "NO GOD he must not die" and it's not about getting dragged into mortality review,it's just that inner feeling.

Cut the story short young guy,mid 20's,very severe meliodosis,with ARDS(for those who have no clue wht are these,kindly google it up)his lung were in a bad shape and of course not recovering,not to mention the systemic response to it,other major organs failing.

When it was time to tell the family,sigh as usual the hardest part,i'm one person who hates confrontation,and asking me to explain to the family,seriously i dont know how i do it in a serious face,when all i want is to cry with them.I'm not emotional in the sense that when it's time to let go it's time,heck i even think euthanasia is alright,but of course this is my blog and my thoughts.So i told them as usual,bla bla
"Kita tidak akan tekan tekan (No CPR) " , "Bagi ubat sahaja"
The mum and dad were so calm,said whatever is best,but shit at the corner of her eye i saw the tears"

So this was a new feeling that tugged in my heart,even brought some tears,i guess then i realise why it's so important to do your very best,but sometimes i guess no matter what or how much you do,god loves them more,and it just goes to show we're mere mortals,and we can only do so much,so better to let nature take it's course,and let go...........

Reflection

2010-07-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

Wow it's almost august,cant believe the year passed by in a flash.So much happened in a year.Have i started to grow,hmmm height and length wise probably not.

But somehow things are different,priorities have changed,realising what's important ,learning to look at things differently,achieved closure,even learning to open up my heart to feelings i thought were lost:).So touched that so many of my friends were always around,and given so much of support,i couldnt have done it without them,they came in many forms but always around.Not forgetting my annoying little sister

Need to start studying again,for the 2nd attempt of exams.Slowly getting the hang of anesthesia,but still quite lost,i still face each intubation with fear,but they say what doesnt kill you will make you stronger,i'm really hoping as well.

I dont see a reason to shout at the more junior doctors or the staff,people say i'm not being loud enough,but that just isnt how i am,think being firm will do.We're creating unnessary tension for everyone working and that just doesnt help.I guess different people have different style.I' just stick to mine for now,no thank you.

I'm looking forward to september,october and november,August i'm just gonna skip for now,think i'm gonna be a little sad,but recently found out life's so unpredictable,anything can happen,looking at the positive side.We'll just wait and see now shall we:)

On-call .......

2010-07-28T19:23:00.000+08:00

I need to remember this moment because it's a day i have been dreading and thought impossible for me to do a month ago,but guess what it's over,there'l be more calls,more to learn,just need to calm down,breathe,not panic,and let the adrenaline take over.

So my first ICU call started with a bang,not sure why they all collapse one after another,but i still think it could have been worse.But then again current aim is to have less mortalities,and just survive till the next day.

Romance is lost??

2010-07-17T00:11:00.000+08:00

In the fantasy world i dream off romance is never lost,and people should grow old together.Although i think i'm living to ideally or i sometimes think i'm to practical,i love seeing people in love,hearing their stories of them being swept off their feet and getting old together.I'm proud to admit i'm a hopeless romantic,give me a feel good romance novel or even a romantic comedy anyday,it's enough to make me happy.I dont ever want to turn out to be a cold,heartless and passionless person.

People shouldn wait for valentines or that special occasion to show how they feel.Love is not about buying expensive gifts,it's about being there throughout whether your suffering from cancer,you got ur promotion,u had to go for an operation,you fell down,ur sitting for an important exam,you just lost a loved one,or your just not feeling right.It's the thought that counts.People are slowly evolving to take care only of themselves,but i guess it's also a defence mechanism.But there's always two ways to look at things:)

Sabong Ayam @ Cock fighting

2010-07-11T22:32:00.000+08:00

DISCLAIMER - THIS POST IS NOT MEANT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART,VEGETARIAN'S,ANIMAL ACTIVIST,ANIMAL-SPECIFICALLY CHICKEN/COCK LOVER'S,BE PRE-WARNED,I SHALL NOT HOLD RESPONSIBILITY TO HOW YOU FEEL

Had a great oppurtunity to actually go see one close-up,watched one some time back but from a distance.

Must say it's truly an amazing experience(personally not recommended to animal activist,vegetarians,faint of heart,those who are holier than thou:),of course when the local people see us they all think who let this crazy city people here,cause they assume we'll let it on to the authorities or that we're from the press,of course it didnt help that my friend had a huge ass DSLR:)He asked permission from the the chief about taking pictures of only the chicken.

He made a loud announcement "Tu doctor-doctor mau ambil gambar manuk aje,nadai ambil gambar orang,anang kacau mereka "
(Translation - these doctors are only taking pics of the chicken not the people,they're not going to cause any harm)
So for a while instead of the chickens we were centre of attraction:)

Now to describe the atmosphere,there's a huge ring in the centre,a makeshift tent cause they dont always have it at one place,the chief who handles the scores and biddings.They fight the chickens based on weight,people make their bets once the chicken are brought into the ring.

And in the background,you have people selling food(yummy chicken wings,haha the irony)the are lots of chicken sheds,you see the breeders feeding the chickens,giving last minute pep talk
"Eh better kick the ass of that chicken ok,i've invested a lot on you,otherwise you'l become chicken curry tonight" :P (Haha probably didnt sound like that)

The fight does not last very long actually,each cock has a blade attached,so the best one wins or sometimes both actually die(I know people will say it's inhumane and all,but it's how you see it i guess,at least i put up a disclaimer).Well for those who think it's cruel,do you actually see how your KFC chicken is KILLED???

So the crowd start's their own betting just before the fight starts,not exactly sure how much but i think from RM5-the thousands.People were very friendly,not rude,and really welcomed us,although u can see one or two suspicious glances just to make sure.

Anyway think u have to be there to experience it.Will post a few pics which my friend took,they're really good(the picture credit goes to him,did tell him to watermark it:p

Actually this game is played all over the world,some countries it's actually legalised,i don't think people mean harm,for the local's it's actually a simple game which probably now of course has turned into some kind of business/greed.But they seem to be enjoying themselves,who are we to judge or rob them of what they like doing

Mystery illness ??

2010-07-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

One by one they're dying,not even sure why anymore,the disease process has taken a dramatic turn.Are we dealing with a mutant strain,are we missing something important.This seems to be the unanswered questions lately.Hmmm the cases are starting to sound like what we read in some of the robin cook novels.They're deteriorating too fast,someone pointed out it's a failure of management,is it really??

The dreaded mosquitoe is the cause of all this.I wonder if people are aware of the bigger picture,all the meetings and the hoo haa about the deaths,do they realise it's all political,a downplay of urbanisation,failure of development.It's getting worse,but of course it's not being openly publicised,it cant be,because people will start questioning.But why shouldnt they,they have every right too.I understand it is everyone's responsibility,but the whole blame shouldnt be on the healthcare givers.since the disease is so rampant why are we not doing more research,and so on.We're paying millions of tax payers money to send people to space yet we fail in vector control,sigh such a shame.

It's so sad to see them die from such an illness,we're not even talking about HIV or H1n1,this seems to be a lot worse.In the meantime,of course the healthcare workers have to scratch their head and manage the best to avoid any more mortality before the HIGHER levels gets to them,but how do they do that, when they're not even sure what we're dealing with.The HIGHER levels need to realise statistic are just numbers,we're dealing with lives here.Prioritise,act fast,before more lives are lost

Reminiscing.........

2010-06-30T00:29:00.000+08:00

Been a relatively busy couple of days,tagging daily till late.Didn't feel like blogging about work or complaining coz it will never end,i still consider myself lucky enough to learn as much.

Something really unexpected happened today,went up to the orthopedic ward to do my pre-op rounds and i saw a familiar face,it was the guy i escorted to GHKL few months back
http://lostsarawakdoc.blogspot.com/2010/01/escorting-patient-to-klgh.html
He was so well,he said he'd even be able to partial weight bare in a few months,i couldn stop smilling,as i mentioned before he's exactly a year younger,we share the same birthday,but our fate is so different.He stayed in KL for 3months

He said when he was there his dad passed on due to a road traffic accident,i was so sad when i heard,but he said it's alright,it's all in GOD's hands.He actually thanked me,for what i'm not even sure,i didnt even do anything,but it's so nice to see him,so full of hope,smilling away,just like how when we meet an old friend,said even his girlfriend left him,but he was wasn't sad,said it's her right,cant force her to stay with a cripple.Told him if someone really loves you they will not judge you and would not leave you in bad times,sigh

It's things like this that happen to remind me that life's how you see it,positive or negative it's all up to you,even those who have less can still be so happy,so who are we to complain.....

How i see it............

2010-06-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

Time heals , things change ,

You know u've grown , when you can wish people happiness although they may have hurt you along the way and advice them not to hurt others in return :)

Life's never easy,it's all about learning and growing,today may not be ur day,but one day it will,

Life's not all about being happy or constantly sad , we need a mixture of both and some surprises along the way to jolt you/keep ur spirits up,

Not all married people are happy,just cause you don't see it , doesnt mean it's all full of glee,

It's important to get married for the right reasons,and not just for the sake of it,

Work in each profession is tough , just because we're in a demanding one or we work real hard , doesnt mean other's don't work as hard or as much , we should stop and reflect,

When people demand things from you there's no point getting angry,either way u'v got to get it done,how well we do it,now tht's secondary,

If u'v tried ur very best and you stilll can't do it,there's no point blaming urself,the most important thing is you tried and gave it your best.

Things of the past especially from childhood will always be around no matter how much you try to hide it,so we've just go to learn,and try to work aound it,whether it works or not,you really cant tell for now,

At the end winning secret battles with yourself is the most rewarding,otherwise,you can do what everyone thinks is so bad,to sit and cry,it may sound dumb,but at least u release ur frustrations even if it's for a short time:)

Happy Father's Day......

2010-06-20T23:14:00.001+08:00

If it were'nt for you , i would not have been here ,

You've always been there for me when i'v really needed you most ,

I don't know who to tell thank you too for the sacrifice you have given me and my sister , Not many know and understand , but boy do we owe you,

For without you we would not have made it this far,

I still don't know how you did it with the amount of obstacles you've had to face,

Never once complained either,

I always want to be as strong as you and follow your every footsteps,but i find myself lacking in many ways,

You taught us to live a humble life,and be the best in what we are,

You've always been the best role model we'l ever have,if you can study at 60,so can we,

Although we're all grown up,we dont get to meet much,we'l always be daddy's little girl,and we'l always love you so.

Happy Father's Day Daddy.....

The Double Medevac Experience

2010-06-19T23:19:00.001+08:00

To those who arent sure medevac stands for medical evacuation,it's one of the fastest mode of transport to those in Sarawak especially from the interior.When i was in Kapit i actually had the oppurtunity to escort 2 patients from Kapit to Sibu then back to Kapit and to sibu in one day,it's crazy,but they were really short of mo's,what a day,but the view from above was just heavenly,thank god i have always been blessed not to have motion sickness,my poor nurse wasnt so lucky tho,ambubagging the patient in air is not easy either

It takes 40mins each way.And the worst part we do not have any medical insurance,so u can imagine what we think or feel when the copter is swaying,the worst case scenarios do cross your mind,so we stupidly take our risk,but it's one of the best experiences i must say the docotor's working in sarawak have.I may be weird,but i would rather die than not have experienced it:P

Kapit in pictures

2010-06-19T23:18:00.000+08:00

An Experience i'm unlikely to forget......

2010-06-16T22:01:00.000+08:00

Sunday - Kapit Hospital (Relieving D5)

Finished rounds in paeds ward,All ill kids,mainly pneumonia's and AGE,all post gawai syndrome.Almost around 30patients(which i think is quite a lot for a district hosp,hats of to the doctors here),discharged quite a bit.Started my call around 1,like how my collegues described before it was a circus,polyclinic are not open so they flock the ER(funny how it actually stands for Emergency Room).

Admitted quite a number to medical and paeds.Got called by the labour room to review,sigh in my head i'm thinking,noooooooooo,give me anything but a c-sec(so negative but wht to do there r only 3 of us here who r not experienced in c-sec).This indon lady,difficulty pushing,os full for 1/2an hour,well called the specialist in Sibu,
She asked me "Have you done 2nd stage c-sec before"
Me - "Gulp....,ermmm no only normal elective one's 1and 1/2 yrs ago"
She - "The baby HAS TO deliver vaginally ok , if really cant then call i'l teach u,but try"

Sigh of course we tried,and thank god she delivered,but baby wasnt so good,nearly intubated but thank god improved.A few hours later still lots of cases waiting in ER,admitted more.

Around 1am when for rounds(paranoid me)just to make sure the admitted cases were alright.Tried to sleep around 2,was called to ER at 3 ,finished around 4 ,slept again,in between got many calls,but somehow couldnt sleep.Eventually woke up and went for rounds,literally didnt sleep the whole night,almost like during housemanship i guess

Monday - Kapit Hospital (Relieving Day D6)

Started my rounds in the paeds ward downstairs and the overflowed upstairs,eagerly waiting for the new permanent MO's.Eventually finished rounds around 11.3o,since no mo's yet went to medical as well to cover and start rounds.As soon as i started with one patient,got a call from my MA

"Boss ada baby sini,SPO2 under high flow only 80something,lungs banyak ronchi"
I said continue neb i'l come and c

Child was about 11months,breathing so fast,lungs in betweeb the neb was silent,which was a really bad sign,although he was still crying a little,i was freaking,cause i knew there's only two doctors in the whole hospital that day.

Anyway after the nebs,called the paediatrician in Sibu,of course he gave me a hard time,i told him,there's only 2of us,i cant even think properly coz i'm post call,thank god for the adrenaline drive,was so afraid(in my mind the only thing playing was this child must survive)if it wasnt for the help of the nurses and MA's we couldnt have done it.After a long time intubated,and started the kid on bicanyl infusion(something stronger and rarely used for the wheeze).By the time i finished was around 4 and i hadnt even started rounds in the medical ward and no lunch,so exhausted.

Did quick rounds,but even then finished at7pm,was to hungry,so ate,bathe then got back.Still had to do my discharges from morning thank god my other collegue helped me,the other mo was back so he was on call.Finally finished everything at 10pm.

An absolutely crazy 48hours,it's ridiculous for just 2 mo's,not fair even,but even in the past the mo's here have been suffering as well.It's really not fair to the people but of course we all think of ourselves first,it's so inaccesible,after 3 there no way out if there's an emergency.For docotor's getting leave is an absolute no no,sigh,this town definately needs more,this whole state actually.Why cant they give more allowances and benefits to those who come,it's not such a bad place just the logistics.Prices of things are expensive as well.Think they've been trying for sometime to change but to no avail,hoping with the number of doctors coming there will be a change,of course this is just us hoping

Time to rant............

2010-06-16T21:45:00.000+08:00

Some people are lucky , or are they realy

Some are happy,some are sad

Do people really have to suffer alone?

Are some things really so easily forgotten?

Why can we never be happy with what we have?

So what if we rebel , we only live once , and life's too short

When we get happiness why is it always short lived?

There are people sufferring all around, why when we see it we're still selfish and we choose to ignore?

Why cant the past just leave you alone?

I probably know the answers to most of it,but it actually feels better when it's written,we're only human..........

The first couple of days......

2010-06-12T17:11:00.000+08:00

I better start writting before i forget.Kapit is a really beautiful place,surrounded by hills,the mighty rejang just nearby,i guess if you like nature then it's actually a great place to visit

Stayed at this inn called greenland inn,nice cosy place,definately much better than i expected.Service was really good,first day arriving i definately felt like a tourist.

Started work on the 2nd day,pengarah told me to go and cover the surgical ward,quite lucky cause i still had a specialist,but there were still a lot of unsettled work.Chemo to do.Getting used to the work.

Next day i was on-call,wow being on-call in the district is scary,the place is cut off from the major town after 3,no boats can go,no helicopter's.So if anything happens or you hv to do it's all in your hands,sigh.Post gawai so all this ill kids came with chest infections and diarrhoea,sigh,admitted most of them,one kid did not look to good,took extra care overnight then sent him off to sibu the next day.Worked as usual the next day,referred lots of cases,so happy that i had friends/specialist everywhere who helped me with whom and where to refer,otherwise it would hv been an even longer process.

Today is saturday,went in late,had a good breakfast in town,covered the paeds ward,so many ill patients with high fever,so almost all had to be kept.Later helped cover the ER till bout 3,had lunch,then got back.Sigh on-call again tomorrow,and it's a sunday.

Being in district is akin to being a houseman with a heavier set of responsibilities/burden on your shoulder's,of course overall you become better,but not sure after how long the fatigue,frustration,working hours will get to you.We are after all human's who crave some love,care,attention.If they're posted to districts they need people around who would help/just be there fro some moral support,how many people can be as patient/strong.They say patience is a virtue,not sure how mother theresa does it,but we can't all be her now can we.They say you must make the best of what you have,you cannot play GOD,but arent we all doing that at some point of our time,it would be a lie to ourselves if we arent.

Can just pray and hope for the best,if things are meant to happen they will,true freinds will stay and the rest who don't,i guess we know then.....

Moment's in life...............

2010-06-09T21:32:00.000+08:00

Just as i was getting a grip of work and surroundings,i was told to go for relieving in a nearby town of Kapit,not sure if it was a blessing in disguise in some ways.

Not sure why the past still creeps in at the worst times.As i was coming via the 3hour bout ride,i was actually so elated,the view,i'm not sure how to describe was so stunning,you need to experience it for yourself to feel it.Met this guy who tells me he's been coming every month for the past 14years to fix the cable towers.As usual being the negatively morbid person i am i think,what happens if the boat sinks,along the way you see the driver avoiding this huge logs,have i told enough goodbye's,have i lived a happy life,have i told the important people in my life that i love them.

On the way to Kapit

Sometimes,actually most times i wished i wasnt born a girl(i'm not being gender bias
and please feminist out there don't come after me,it's my blog and i'm entitled to my own opinions),i hate it when i get so emotional,i tell myself i can do this,i'm strong enough,who gives a shit what people say,sadly it's all a big lie that I admit I tell to placade myself.In truth i actually find happiness seeing other people happy,but i think sometimes i secretly crave for that happiness,i'm just truly blessed to have great friends which i have somehow found along the way,life is a better place with them.

Not sure where i'm heading writting all this,wish i would stop doing random things,but i cant,i'v recently found out my favourite adjective is i don't know,there's only few things in life that i know for sure what i want,the rest i still don't,i hate myself for that as well....There are so many things i wish i could have done differently in life,but i dont think it would have made a difference,just need to psych myself to do what i think is right and do my best,so if i have anyone to blame it would be myself no matter the consequence,and see what life has in store for me.The important quest is finding what keeps u happy,no matter short or long term,lets see what happens after tomorrow,if i survive.

Was actually suppose to blog about Kapit,i guess that's for another day.....

"Grins widely" fake smile....

1st day MO life.......

2010-06-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

I felt like i was going through first day of school.The feeling of being lost,getting into peoples's way,overload of information.

Somehow the transition from houseman to mo,guess i dont really feel it yet,probably when i start doing call's independently,which i'm expected to do very soon.I pity my collegues because of the general shortage of mo's everywhere(thanks to the maldistribution/lack of doctor's in sarawak)who have been doing so many calls.

I'm sure this feeling will eventually pass and hopefully i'l start learning fast enough.

Life we didn't know.....

2010-05-31T11:11:00.001+08:00

It's 7am,a saturday morning.You wake up listening to the sounds of the ambulance outside your window.You ask yourself everyday why do i have to live in the hospital,of course ur voice tells you back,where else do you expect to stay,your not in the city your in some rural district in sarawak.You have no LIFE.

Eveything revolves around the hospital.Yesterday was friday a full working day plus you were doing passive call(standby for any emergencies,escorting unstable patients/intubated patients to the nearest referral hospital - sometimes upto8hours journey by whatever transport you can think off ambulance/boat/helicopter).

Even after escorting you come back to see a full outpatient clinic( 150patients all eyes staring at you ).You look at them in you head you cursing them,why must you come today/this week.But they don't know you only have 2doctors running the whole hospital,doing back to back calls because another MO is on leave/on course.Then u think again WHY ME,why was i sent here,to this place,why cant they give us more doctors,how do they expect us to manage.

Even before you can think or pity yourself,you hear the dreaded phone ring.SHIT i havent even brushed my teeth.It's your MA,"Boss ada RTA case",u say u'l be there soon,then in your head you start cursing again(why must there be holidays,why must they drink and drive,why cant they leave me alone).

Oh and by the way today i'm doing my active call(Need to see all the new cases,handle all the ward problems,do the dreaded c-section,refer the cases to the referral hospital's)basically the person incharge of the whole hospital.

You attend the case,send the patient off to the referral hospital for a CT-brain.Attend to a few more cases in the emergency.It's 8am you Go to the wards,finish ward rounds,dischage as many patients as you can,refer the cases.

At 11am you come back to your quarters,have a quick shower,eat as fast as u can,try and do some laundry.

1pm - Before you know it they're calling again,thank GOD i'v eaten,this time a 3year old with asthma and what looks like influenza like illness,you tell the parents you want to admit the child but they say NO,it's the holidays,after explaining/re-explaining(although on your head u just want to hit some sense into them)they finally agreee.Phew.....

You go home to try and get a short nap,because there's nothing much else you can do,ur constantly in fear of that stupid PHONE call,praying that there wont be more cases.

Just as ur about to dream of that house by the beach,your dream job taking care of an island like Ben Southall the phone rings."New case boss- Maternity".You think to yourself havent i been praying hard enough,maternity cases are the hardest,it may seem relatively easy but if something goes wrong it goes wrong badly,worst part is there's 2 lives in your hand.So once again you go,scan the mother,so far ok baby's not too big,her OS is only 2cm dilated.

Of course in the emergency there were a few more cases waiting.
By the time u get back it's 7pm - another quick dinner,quick bath,surf the net.Attempt to rest.Ringggggggggggggg,that damn phone again,by now your just too tired,your body is aching,u have a headache.Your nurse says it's the mother earlier,the delivery is not going smoothly.Immediately ur adrenaline is back,you tell them to call the poor passive call MO to standby and get ready for c-section.

After assesing yourself,consulting with the specialist via phone you proceed with the c-section in fear again.Your passive call MO looks exhausted,u feel guilty but then again tomorrow that might be you.Thank god everything goes on smoothly.Both baby and mother are good.

It's already 2am,now your literally crawling back to your quarters,fatigue just wearing you out.This is already my 4th every other day active call,i still have 3 more to go,how am i going to do this.Even the money is not enough to tempt me,i just need my rest.....Praying the phone doesnt ring....still thinking where am i heading to....Thinking the whole cycle will repeat tomorrow...zzzzzzz

#This post is dedicated to those in the district's,it's not even axaggerating,i havent even done district posting but this is what my freinds go through,this is through the eyes and ears of an observer,it's very real.It's not easy when there's no one to watch over your back and very scary.There is no such thing as social life,quality of life,your so overworked you start thinking is all this even worth it anymore,is this why i became a doctor,it's very sad but true.Hopefully with more doctors coming out the maldistribution will even out especially in Sabah and Sarawak,otherwise it's going to be the same all over again#

2 years later....

2010-04-12T21:33:00.000+08:00

Can't believe it's almost the end of my housemanship,ermm yeah it seems fast,but towards the end it felt a little too long,i truly enjoyed my housemanship in sibu and i learnt a whole lot in every single posting.But no matter how many houseman's there are it's still not easy being a houseman,coz ur still at the bottom most.

I just thank god whatever horror strories i'v heard about housemanship before starting most of it didnt come through.It's a difficult process no doubt but if ur willing to learn and be humble,u can go a long way

Here's a recap

1st posting paediatrics

Learnt a whole lot,worked very hard,fell in love with the kids,and laid the path to my future.

2nd Surgery

Somehow worked even harder,did the compulsory 5 appendicectomy,hated running the ward all alone,but somehow survived,all of us worked very hard together,not many complains.Managed to go on my first medivac experience.Went for a crazy day trip to a nearby district

In Mukah

3rd O&G

I hated the 10tagging days,kept telling myself i'm not made for this,the calls,oh gosh was one of the worst.Eventually got through as well.The feeling after my first c-section,was fear,adrenaline,happy(thank god the baby got out).

4th Ortho

The best posting ever,great specialist,wonderful mo's,we all worked very hard and played hard,all the lunches,long surgeries(the feeling of drilling screws into bones is something everyone should experience for themselves).

5th A&E

Working 7hour shifts was no piece of cake,especially in the green zone and on weekends,but was there with all my close friends,so we really had a blast.Worked hard,went a bit crazy exploring sarawak.

Finally ended with medical

Learn lots and lots,and still so much i needed to learn,a real good posting,tiring at times but was a good 4 months.

Finally done with housemanship where we had no worries,someone there to always look over your shoulder,hmmm once you get too comfortable it's time to move on,i guess it's finally that time.So hoping things will get better,we'l see:)

2010

2010-02-19T21:07:00.000+08:00

2010 is proving to be a pretty good year so far,i guess it's with my resolve that i should keep whatever happened in 2009 behind and start living my life,i'm so happy i'm slowly able to let things go,and start focusing on other things in life.I can't believe i'l be 30 in another 2years,where did all the time go,i guess what people say is true,time never waits for us.

But whatever said February is coming to an end,and if no one else is proud of me,i'm proud of myself and what i'v achieved so far in 2010

1.Started blogging:)

2.Went home for a weekend in january after escorting a patient to KL

3.Got my JPA loan converted to a scholarship(even if it's a 10year bond,it's still a financial relieve not to have to pay the loan back)more money for travelling

4.Paid for MRCPCH exams in May,trying to study as much,although not much

5.Will be finishing housemanship in 3months.

I think it's not too bad considering the year has just started,i'm just glad i was strong enough to face things and life didnt turn the other way.Well i'v learnt a lot over the 2years,guess i'v grown up a little as well.hopefully it'l sustain for the next few years and months.Guess being single again is really not that bad at all.

Hopefully in the process i dont forget why i wanted to be a doctor and persevere as much.good luck to me:)

An old man

2010-02-06T23:05:00.000+08:00

Currently into my third week of my medical posting.I'm absolutely loving it,i guess if i didnt like paediatrics so much i would have actually done medical.It's really busy,but there's so many new things to learn,so stimulating.

Well just wanted to share a funny,sad case.

This old man,73yr old,from an interior of Kapit,was admitted to sibu to rule out a hemolytic blood disorder,as they couldnt transfuse him while in Kapit,his blood kept on getting hemolysed(self destructing).his hemoglobin(part of the red blood cell) was very low.

So when asking him about his social history,he said their really poor,only has one daughter who's unmarried,whom also is a farmer,wife also quite ill.His diet history is so poor,can only afford to eat rice with vegetables,they cant afford fish and meat.

During rounds my specialist was talking about probably need to send out some investigations to the private lab,because they cant do it in the hospital.But we all knew he couldnt afford that.So just for completiton sake my mo asked if he could pay about RM 60-70,we were quite surprised when he said smillingly "oleh"(can).

So he started looking into his bag,we thought he was realling hunting for money.but he pulled out this card folder,it was gold,my friend beside me said,"Wah is that a GOLD card",haha we both laughed....

Unfortunately it wasnt,it was an ex-army card,this old man thought that the card would also pay for the tests,bacause with it he doesnt need to pay the hospital bills.

Somehow that moment really tugged my heart,i mean in the first place i never actually thought he would be an ex-soldier,he looks like any normal slightly senile old man.To think he is so poor because he cant even afford a decent meal,would bring tears to anyone with a heart i think.

So many question's crossed my mind at that time,how much compensation does he get each month?how much should he get?Does the country,the government and the people forget them just because they're in the remote interior?Are there many more like him?does he deserve this?

This man probably helped us achieve our independence,but here he is so poor eating only rice with veg.

I'm sure it happens everywhere and everyday,but it's small things like this that jolts me from my comfort zone,thinking there is so much that can be done even in the smallest way.

As for his condition we're still looking for clues,and no matter what we'l find alternatives for him to do the tests.thank god there are still some good people around.

"Empathy is still very much needed in our profession,strive for it"

Escorting a patient to KLGH

2010-01-31T21:34:00.000+08:00

I was taking care of this patient who has hemophilia B with a pathological fracture of the femur.We finally decided to send him to KLGH as sibu was lacking the factor 9 concentrate.

So when my mo asked me if i wanted to escort him,i jumped at the oppurtunity,plus i can see my family,even if it was for a day.So everything was done immediately,the social worker referral,the month long discharge summary,as no one bothered to sumarrize earlier.There was a glitch as he didnt have an IC,he said it has been in process for so long and he's yet to get it.So that required extra time to get a letter from the longhouse headman(such things are still common in sarawak)

They had to book a 9seater because he had to be in a strecher,as he isnt able to walk or sit,it also included a flight ticket for his mum and me.It was such a long day,by the time i finished the discharge sumarry was almost 11 at night,plus the ward was really busy.I was actually quite exhausted as i have been tagging(initially when u start a new posting),the only thing to look forward was i get to go home:)

Woke up at 4,got to the hospital by 5.My patient and his mum were ready,both very anxious,as this would be their first flight and the first time going out of sarawak.She even packed her basket of foood,drinks,i couldnt help smilling:)She only speaks iban and she is so afraid of getting lost,and not knowing where to find food.

My patient was relatively cool,he shares the same birthday as me only a year younger,but so many differences between us,i feel humble and thank god for the good life i'v had

The ambulance picked us up,we were actually very early at the airport,flight was at 7.Finally they told us to go in,the ambulance drove us straight into the tarmac,i was thinking how cool,i was actually worried about my immigration clearance and all as the social worker gave me many letters for them here and for the flight back but we didnt even have to go through.

Me and the MA had who escorted even had time to pose for picture's while waiting for clearance to put my patient into the plane

So finally we we're boarded and strapped in.Patient's mum was so scared,she kept on looking for me,she was mumbling to herself,proabaly praying.Once we were on air,she was more settled,put on her socks kept on telling me celap mai(very cold).My patient on the other hand just decided to sleep the whole way.

His mum kept on looking at him,even kept the food for him so he could eat later,so much of love,very heart warming:)

Eventually reached KLIA,and of course the ambulance from KLGH was waiting at the tarmac as well,felt like a real VVIP:)

Along the way my patient and his mum were so chatty.....i overheard the mum saying "Eh such a modern place they still have so many oil palm estates,thought there would only be buildings"

Reached the casualty at KLGH,it was actually my first visit there,although i'v lived in KL/Selangor practically 1/2 my life.Very impressive and so huge,somehow i still felt like a foreigner,haha probably been in Sarawak for too long.The doc's were quite shocked tht i came all the way from sibu,i guess it's not everyday we send a patient across the south china sea over.

Well my patient's mum still looked very worried,so while waiting for the various doctor's to decide where to admit my patient(although everything was clearly written in the referral letter & detail discharge summary) i took her to the most important place in the hospital

-THE CAFETARIA-

haha,even bought her lunch,no one understood her languange,i just hope she won't get lost the next time.Showed her the mini grocery shop.

So after 4hours in the casualty they finally decided on where to send him.So i said my goodbye's and reminded as many people as i could to take of them,bout the immigration,and just to keep an eye.

Finally took the train home,although very tired but extremely happy that i left him in safer hands and i get to see my family of course,even if it was just for a day:)

Who start's studying at 57 ???

2010-01-05T17:30:00.000+08:00

Why my dad of course :)

My initial reaction when he told me he was going back to school to do A-Levels after retirement,was "I'm not surprised,if people know my dad they wouldnt either ".He can never stay still or at home,he didnt want to work either, after nearly 30years working in a bank i think he had enough.

He was telling me the first day they went to register for A-Level's,he went with my mum.

The lecturer was like "So mam who would be registering today your daughter or your son "
My mum : "Ehmmm actually it's him,(snickers quietly)pointing to my father"
Lecturer : Eyes wide open but,covers very well "well sure you've come to the
right place,i'm sure we can find a suitable class for him"

So that was the start of my father's back to school campaign , imagine a class full of 17 - 18 year olds.Even the lecturer's called him sir.

So each time i called home he would have another funny interesting story to tell me about

Dad : "You know geet,the other day the lecturer gave us homework,thank god i finished,imagine they actually sent those who didn't out."
(It was so funny to imagine something like that,the person who all my life told me to finish homework,study hard,was worried he hadnt done his ....I just couldnt imagine him standing outside the class)

Well my sister was also studying at that time so he they practically could relate to each other.
There was once he told her
"Mala,going back to school is very different,u all have so many different problems we never had last time(sis rolling eyebrows,finally now u understand)
You know yesterday on of my friends this boy asked me,uncle i dunno la,i'v been going out with this girl for so long but the relationship is not progressing,what should i do.

Haha my sister who usually isnt short for words was positively shocked,what an awkward conversation to have with your father who naturally is a traditionist at heart.

So sis said "emmmm tell him to find another girl:)"
Father "But he's been with her for so long,what about the moral obligation"
(So sister thought oh boy this is going to be a long day)

Well most of the stories continued,i cant remember most of it,but at that time it was really funny.

But whatever said,i am so proud of him for actually going back to school,because not many people at his age would.He has truly been my best inspiration for me,if he can do it so can i,he still jogs,does tai-chi daily,badminton,the list goes on.he was the greatest support to me growing up.thank you daddy,all the best

Earthly wisdom from a houseman who's almost completing the 2 year housemanship

2009-12-22T12:19:00.000+08:00

1.JOGGING ( My personal fav,other then being healthy,it clears the mind especially after a hard day with your patient's,their relatives(some 1st yr medical student that conveniently forget she's in a gov hosp,thinks of u as her personal slave)

2.Best time to exercise is when your post call - so that you wont feel guilty sleeping the whole day through

3.EAT - contrary to what we think,we should eat,i don't believe those who say they're so busy they cant find the time,once in awhile i understand,but you really have to find time,nobody saying a 3course meal,but it's better to just grab a bite.So stop being hypocrite - start eating it's good for you

4.Study when you can - There's always not enough time,too tired.But studying is really important.If we just work daily,we're really not improving ourself.The number of doctor's are increasing,the reality is competition is stronger so it's wise to read a bit.

5.Read the news - Please know what's going on around you,do not be a ignaramous

6.Take a break - you will need it

7.When u feel what the hell are u doing,working 36hours,not getting paid enough,not appreciated....just think u helped save a life,it could have been your father,mother,siblings or grandmother( it helped me )

Housemanship isnt as bad as it sounds,not like 10years back....learn as much before we become responsible for all our actions,and there's no MO/Specialist to back you up.

Kompia - The Sibu Pride

2009-11-04T14:24:00.000+08:00

It'm sort of commemorating this blog with one of Sibu's most famous snacks,you'l probably be able to get it at the various coffee shops but it's probably the first time you'l see it as a BIG APPLE or J&CO'S concept retail outlet,i must say it's very impressive.

The menu has a variety of choices,and of course it's halal,thus catering for even our muslim friends,so we have Kompia BBQ Chicken,Char Siew Chicken,For fish lovers there's is tuna,sambal ikan bilis and a variety more.

Not to mention they've started selling donuts on the sideline,it may not be u'r Crispy cremes but when in sibu,
let's not be so picky now shall we.

So if you're still wondering where such a place exist in this , it might come as a surprise

So head on over and grab urself's some tempting,charcoal baked unique kompia,which would certainly tingle in your tastebuds.

Address:

SugarBun Sibu Gateway(Pintu Gerbang Sibu)

Sibu,Sarawak